Hydeen Happenings

my little man

2012-01-19T15:02:00.003-06:00

Today we were on the way to preschool (and that's AFTER chasing the bus a few blocks til he stopped to let Lillian on, and then being halfway to school and turning all the way around to try find the dog we spotted which we thought was our neighbor's and then turned out not to be our neghbor's) when Josiah filled me in on a little something. Here's how it went:

J: mama? I think I'm changing...because every morning my voice sounds different.
me: hm...really... Did someone tell you that your voice is going to change when your body changes?
J: huh? my BODY is gonna change?
me: yep.
J: WHEN????
me: oh, when you're older. when you're ready to become a man.
J: but mama, I AAAMMMM a man!

and I thought it was the sweetest conversation ever, until he added:

J: I'm just a man who picks my boogers!

date night!

2011-12-08T15:40:00.003-06:00

I'm busy sewing my brains out these days trying my best to get orders done before Christmas. My list of orders is still super stinking long, and my list of emails of people wondering where the heck there stuff is happens to be growing as well. :(

That's kind of the atmosphere around here lately. It's all part of what I mentioned before about needing to make some changes and do what's best for my family. Steve even admitted to me yesterday that he was really looking forward to this past weekend because all my events are finally over, and he thought that maybe I'd be able to "come up for air." Turns out I'm still just as busy, but it does help to not have the stress of needing extra stuff ready. so I'm not really able to come up for air quite yet. I still feel a bit like I'm drowning. I can't catch up, I'm crabby to my kids, and I'm honestly kind of sick of spending every night alone in the basement sewing.

I realize that I'm sitting here complaining when it is actually such a huge blessing that in our time of need, God is providing. Like he always does. And I'm so thankful for that. and it's not only financial provision either. I had a definite emotional need met this week when I went on a DATE with my husband. and not only that, but it was an AWESOME date, and it was almost free.

so I'm going to tell you about that, instead of complaining. :)

ok, so remember when Steve worked at the Hilton? well, the Hilton has a restaurant inside called the Liberty Tavern, and the manager of the hotel told Steve when he left that some day he should take his wife out to eat at the LT and he'd cover it. So by golly, we took him up on that offer. Just one quick little email and we were given a HUNDRED dollar credit to eat there. Now, I'm not sure that we've EVER spent a hundred bucks on a meal. We've gotten close when we went to Espana last year for my birthday, but it was a HUGE splurge. Like, possibly once in a lifetime. *we've been back there once since, but it was on a Tuesday where they have a great deal on the tapas, so our bill wasn't quite as ridiculous.* Ok, but at the Liberty Tavern, the menu is really reasonably priced. so we just ordered TONS of stuff and it was so dang good. and we ate almost all of it.

We started with this incredible flatbread: (GRILLED FLATBREAD BOURSIN PESTO SPREAD, PROSCIUTTO, GRAPES, MOZZARELLA.) yes, it had meat. but only a tiny bit. and it was so good. and I never though hot grapes would be so tasty.

then Steve had corn chowder, and I had a spring greens salad. holy moly. (SPRING GREENS RASPBERRY BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE, SPICED PECANS, DRIED FRUIT, FETA )

THEN, we had our meal and our sides brought out. we each got the mac and cheese (CAVATAPPI PASTA, ROASTED SWEET RED PEPPER, ASPARAGUS, SEASONAL MUSHROOMS IN AN ASIAGO AND PARMESAN SAUCE) for our meal. it was the most "plant based" item they had. :) and did you see that??? peppers, asparagus, and mushrooms IN the mac and cheese. brilliant. can you tell I'm not a cook? I was so impressed with everything. and for our sides we got asparagus spears and sauteed mushrooms. yum.

and THEN, we shared a piece of turtle cheesecake. keep in mind that the only dairy we've had in like 6 weeks is a bit of cheese here and there. so my plan was to only have a couple bites of steve's. well, you can probably imagine how that went. oh, and they put strawberries on the side, and for some reason I didn't think that strawberry and turtle went together. turns out they do.

ok, so after all that, we still weren't up to $100, but we thought we'd had enough. :) we did leave a little tip, so it wasn't totally a free meal, but close enough. it was such a treat.

Then, we saw the Muppets movie in Council Bluffs with my fandango tickets that I had gotten on a group deal online way back when. I got two tickets for nine bucks, but since the price has gone up a little on the tickets, we ended up paying like 12 for two tickets. which is still a pretty good deal. and we loved the movie. I did, however have a strange feeling like I was on a drug of some sort during the whole thing. My poor sweet husband tolerated my constant movement and repositioning. I was SO TIRED, but loved the movie. So I was partly just trying to stay awake, and partly just really super uncomfortable. and then I got a serious case of itchy skin, and well, that's a neverending problem once I start. so I sat there for EVER just itching every part of my skin I possibly could. I bet he didn't realize that was what he meant when he said 'for better or worse.' I can't believe he still loves me after that movie.

on our way home we decided to drive through downtown instead of taking interstates, so we drove past all the lights downtown, and at midtown crossing. it was beautiful. When we got home we didn't even pay our babysitters, becasue it was Steve's sister and brother-in-law, and they just wanted us to be able to go out!

so, in the end, we had free valet, free dinner, cheap movie, and free babysitting! it was such a treat, and felt so good to be out with my man. We know its so important, but it's just not really always very practical for us. so it was really such a treat!!!

and if you're ever in Omaha and want the same good food, head to the Hilton (right across from the Qwest Center)!

cultured kids

2011-12-03T20:06:00.003-06:00

we do our best to raise cultured kids. kids who love Wicked and Cinderella. who love band competitions and movie theaters. who love Ben Folds and Selena Gomez. who know that Jesus is the reason for Christmas but also believe in Santa. (had to throw that in there.) ;) we're going for a balance here.

Tonight Lillian turned on our Christmas playlist and on came Louis Armstrong's "baby it's cold outside." I knew she loved the song, so I was quite confused when she quickly ran and changed the song.

"hey, what are you doing???"
"changing it. they were horrible. just HORRIBLE."

(minus one point for the cultured kids goal.) :(

"now, James Taylor? He's awesome!" and soon starts the James Taylor version of the same song.

(and for that, I give us back a half a point.) :)

thanksgiving

2011-11-28T10:17:00.002-06:00

there are no pictures this year. I forgot my camera in the mad rush of getting out the door after figuring out that I had the wrong time in my head for Thanksgiving dinner.

no pictures, but let me at least take a few minutes to list a few things I'm thankful for this year.

as always, I'm so thankful for my God and the ultimate gift of his son.
and of course I'm thankful for my husband and kids. they're my life.

but this year I have a few "non-traditional" things that I'm especially thankful for.

like albuterol.

Lillian caught a cold, and good grief, we'd be in a load of trouble if it wasn't for albuterol. I hate that she has asthma, and that somehow every time we go to Orange City we have major issues with it. and she hates "the shakes" she gets when she feels all doped up.

but she can breathe. all thanks to albuterol.

and speaking of sick, I'm so so so thankful that my kids are all old enough to tell me when they're gonna throw up. I'm not sure WHY, but man, my kids have always gotten sick a LOT. every year, we get hit hard. the good news is that it's not that major to us anymore. we get sick, and then we get better, and it's not like our world gets turned upside down like it used to when I was a "new mom" with sick kids. We just do our thing, get through it, and buy stock in Clorox wipes. and now that they can tell me when it's gonna happen, it just makes the sick season that much better. (Brielle threw up in the van last week, and that's when i realized how long it had been since I had cleaned it up when it wasn't in a bucket. it made me thankful.) :)

and when my kids are sick, they get better. and that's something major to be thankful for. My heart just HURTS for people who's kids are sick and may not get better. I haven't stepped foot in a hospital for a long time, but for some people, it's "home." I still think of little Aria's family, and their loss earlier this year. and the hundreds and thousands more that I don't even know about. I'm so thankful that sick to us means clorox wipes and albuterol.

another thing I'm particularly thankful for this year is our Christmas decorations. they're nothing fancy. we bought a fake tree and put up maybe a FIFTH of our millions of ornaments. they don't match. there's no theme. but they're ours. and we also have a few homemade items. probably chinsey looking to some, but they were cheap and I made them. so I like them. and we have our AWESOME nativity set. It's the willow tree one, and I think I have all the pieces. I have always LOVED it, and Steve's family gave me a few pieces every year til I had them all. and I just love it, still. and the last thing we have is our garland for our railing. My mom always loved to put garland on the stair railings. I was trying to just add one new thing each year for our decorations, and that year was my favorite addition.

Some years it's hard to be thankful for things like family gatherings and such because our family has changed so much in the last five years. and honestly, sometimes I think it's just easier to not all be together with the changes so obvious and staring you in the face. it's HARD to face it. every time. But aside from my mom missing from the pictures, I'm so thankful for so much of it this year. thankful that my brother could make the trip. and thankful that he brought the awesome texas roadhouse rolls. thankful that Mel was there and her calming presence, always. thankful that Dad and Judy could make it when we first thought they couldn't. thankful that they have each other. and thankful for my one-of-a-kind niece Hazel, and her non-stop entertainment. and her brother and parents that I just love beyond words. And thankful that my aunt, uncle, and cousin could join us, as they do most holidays, just to hang out and play games and love on the kids. we weren't ALL together. Ohio is a long drive. :( but those of us who could gathered just for a day, half a day really. and for that I'm thankful.

I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm always thankful for our stuff. And in a year where we have to prioritize paying our bills over buying Christmas gifts, I'm just so thankful for what we already have. I love it that I'm having a really hard time coming up with a Christmas list for other family members, because we're just working really hard and being content with what we have. and it feels good. I'm always thankful for times like this, usually later more so than in the moment, but this time I'm trying to be thankful NOW. when it's a bit harder.

and, even when my neck has a kink and my fingers are burned, when my basement is a (beautiful) disaster, and there are not enough minutes in a day, I'm thankful for the pinkadink. maybe it's too "traditional" for this list, but i have to write it. I'm in the midst of some growing pains right now, but it's good. I have to figure out how to think with a business mind, and how to value my time, and how to do what's best for the business AND my family at the same time. it's tricky. but I'm so thankful that God has blessed this business so much that I even have to figure it all out. it's a good place to be.

and while that does NOT "sum up" my list of thankfulness this year, it'll have to do for now.

the diet coke diaries: the fat lady sang

2011-11-18T15:19:00.002-06:00

so, I thought I'd take a quick minute to give an update on the diet coke issue.

it's a shocker, but I'm totally done. I don't even like it that much anymore. I almost NEVER drink it. it's that 'almost' part that gets me though. Occasionally I'll find myself drinking one, or ordering one, or whatever the case, out of HABIT, when I KNOW I'm not even going to like it! it's a strange strange drug I tell you. But most often, I CHOOSE water over diet coke. and even I'm in shock.

most days I'll have a big tall glass of water mixed with a little cranberry pomegranate juice, and a couple teaspoons of chia seeds in there. yep, chia. as in chia pet. I probably have a giant chia pet sprouting in my stomach. :) but it's a great 'superfood' and I really like the texture in my drink. and I also like plain water too! read that again, would ya? I like WATER!

I cannot even explain to you how exciting this is to me. if you know me well, you probably thought I'd never last in this whole 'game' of giving it up. my love was too deep and my self control was too...shallow? :) but somehow I did it.

and, if you don't want to read this next paragraph, go ahead and skip it. possibly TMI for some people, but I have to tell you!

ok, my body has seen MAJOR changes with such a lack of chemical! it's unbelievable! and it's most obvious for about a week, once a month. ;) All the things that my body used to experience on a regular basis have come back to me. and, while I find myself VERY inconvenienced by it all, I think it's really good that body is in a more natural state! I always kind of thought that diet coke didn't really affect me that much, but it can NOT be a coincidence that I am really crabby and craving sushi and chocolate once a month ever since I quit it! It's like my body is finally aware of what it's going through, and responding accordingly, instead of being sort of numbed by whatevertheheck they put in diet coke. Now, don't ask my sweet husband or kids about how they feel about my more natural state. I'm still working on how to control my 'new' sensations. :) but I feel like it's such a GOOD thing to be more natural. and it's not only about PMSing. All of my emotions seem a little more real. I love harder, I cry more, I FEEL my heart hurting more for other people. I'm undisguised.

ok, so are you one of the people who is totally addicted to soda like I was? don't worry, I don't judge you. :) and you know what else? Don't expect me to even encourage you to quit drinking it. This has been such a journey for me. I've talked to so many people who are quite entertained by the whole 'diet coke diaries' idea. and I'm so glad. :) It's rather entertaining for me to write actually. But going through the process has really taught me so much. But I had to be READY. I wasn't ready for a long time. I had tried to quit so many times before, but even I wasn't convinced that it was going to be for good. this time was different. It was like I really wanted to overcome it.

and I did.

and now I feel like I can do ANYTHING!

but if you're not ready, don't worry. it's not that big of a deal. it will never work if you aren't ready to conquer it. and if you ARE, I can promise you that it gets better! and there's such a freedom in knowing that if I want a diet coke with my pizza, then by golly, I"m gonna have one. I'm past the point where I feel like I'm DEPRIVED of something I love. I feel good.

I feel GREAT! (like I knew I would...eventually.)

so, signing off from the 'diet coke diaries!' yay me! :)

busy, busy. dreadfully busy.

2011-11-10T15:49:00.002-06:00

any other Veggie Tales fans out there singing along with me? It's the good Samaritan story and Larry is stuck in a hole, head first, and everyone who passes him tells them they're too busy to help. and the song is pretty catchy.

and somehow I'm both Larry and the others. I'm stuck in my own hole and can't even help myself! I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy, more than an octopus, more than an ant!

anyway you get the picture.

October is one of my favorite months. actually THE favorite. hands down. So many wonderful things to celebrate. fall, my mom, my son, my business. but MAN what a whirlwind! for a quick catch up, here's what we've been up to:

*Steve started his new job, which is a huge blessing. He's still quite stressed and works long hours, and now working late is like 6 or 7, so we'll TAKE IT! at least he's CLOSE and the kids toddle in to bring him his lunch every day on our way home from getting Josiah from preschool.

*speaking of Josiah, he's 5 now. and we celebrated with a Spiderman party in OC. fun times. But on his actual birthday, I was super sick and couldn't even go out to eat with my family. :(

*speaking of eating, things have changed here. We've moved to a plant based diet. Lots of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, and it's so so so good. I haven't had meat, cow's milk, or butter in two and a half weeks! I started it for health reasons, and to do what I can to minimize my risk of getting cancer. I'm quickly running out of meal ideas and such, but I'm mostly in the phase where I"m learning so much and super excited about it. It's doing a lot of what my mom started doing after her second diagnosis, when I thought she went off the deep end a little. :) but now I realize she was just doing everything she could to fight the cancer, so why wouldn't I start now???

*speaking of my mom, October 23rd marked 5 years since her death. We celebrated a couple different ways this year, but not our usual big shabang because I was sick for most of it. :( I'll do a post about it later though, and hopefully I can add pictures, unlike the last time I tried that.

*speaking of pictures, I've actually been really busy this fall taking pictures, which is crazy. I have a pretty good camera, and some pretty good friends, so I took some pretty mediocre pictures of them. :) I've always loved photography, but man...it's just something I don't have a lot of time to learn about. SO, I just offer my free services to my friends, and lots of people took me up on it this year. I think I've done like 4 or 5 different groups or families this year. acutally, yeah, I have my 5th on Sunday. hopefully it's not too cold!

*speaking of cold....aw, crap. I got nothin. it was flowing so beautifully til just now. so I'll transition into talking about the pinkadink. I spend almost every sleeping children minute to work on pinkadink, which means naptimes and after bedtime. But what that means is I stay up late and get really super tired, and I'm way behind on orders, and I'm way behind on life, and I was apparently way behind on BILLS which was really bad, and I had no idea. because almost my whole mind is filled up with pinkadink right now. it got pretty bad recently when either one of my kids or I was sick for almost 2 weeks straight. just a little reprieve between each one and then bam it was back. so anyway, it's been a rough go here, but I think we're done for now! last night I chose to skip all my work and go to bed with my hubby at like 930 or some crazy hour. and it was such a long beautiful wonderful night. amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you. and tonight it's back to the grind. If you happen to know anyone who's waiting so very patiently for a pinkadink order, please tell them it's coming soon.

alrighty, well, there's the boring update. but now you know why I haven't posted. I'm pretty sure that nobody's been sitting around waiting to get an update on my life, but I have gotten a few comments recently about the lack of posts. so...here you go. don't expect much more though til after christmas or so though.

because I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy...
(ha...you thought it was finally out of your head. you're welcome.) :)

new job!!!

2011-09-28T15:21:00.003-05:00

Today my dear husband starts his new job.

While it's easy for me to be so happy for this new chapter in our life (it's been a rough couple years, and I miss my man...), I have realized today that there are going to be a few things I'm gonna miss.

like, seeing him all dressed up in a suit and tie everyday.
and having a perfectly smooth face every morning.
and free parking downtown.
and sweet rates at Hilton brand hotels.

but oh my heavens, there are things I"m so glad to be done with.

like, paying for those suits and ties.
and paying for them to be dry cleaned.
and wondering if he'll be home for supper. or bedtime. or ever.
and waiting almost a half hour to see his handsome face after I find out he's left work.
and the middle of the night phone calls.
and the middle of the night text messages. actually, let's make that all day and all evening and all through the night no matter what we're doing, if we're eating, sleeping, or you-know-what-ing, the phone....oh the phone....I'm NOT gonna miss that dumb phone.

It's so weird. I don't even know what to think about my husband being home. And having most weekends off. I actually think it's going to be a bit more challenging for me than I realize.

See, I have kinda ruled the roost here the last few years. I do what I do when I want to do it, because I'm the one who makes the decisions. so he might do things a bit differently than I do and it might just take a little getting used to. but I think I can manage.

The Hilton was sad to see him go. It was a better place because of him, if you ask me. And the new place will be too. He has that effect on people and places. He just makes them better. So I can't wait to see how our family gets better too. :)

yay....

party time

2011-09-26T14:01:00.003-05:00

In the last year, we've been invited to parties at the very coolest places. the pizza machine, the bouncy house, chuck e. cheese, p.e. 101, Skate Daze, and probably even more that I'm forgetting about.

But....see....the problem with that is it makes my kids think that's just what everybody does for birthday parties. Invite all your friends and your whole class, rent a place out, and have your party taken care of.

and trust me, if I had tons of money, I'd love to have a party somewhere where they do the planning and the cleanup for you.

but it's just not gonna happen. we can't do that.

So, for Lillian's party, I was determined to make it tons of fun but super cheap. She's the only one who really gets it that other kids do the fancy parties, so it sort of matters to her.

so here's what i did....

(I'm assuming that most of you have seen my facebook photos, but here's the link since I can't post any more pictures on here yet...grrr... http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150397649958417.408906.728173416&l=286a365635&type=1)

first, I convinced her to NOT have a princess party. Ha-le-to the lu-jah! because seriosuly....been there, done that.

and I love owls, probably because they're really popular right now in fabric and other crafty types of things. so I see tons of cute owl things in my world. so after showing her a cupcake topper idea, she was sold. :) we had a theme and we ran with it.

so first, let me tell you what we did, and then I'll tell you what I spent.

two days before her bday, we passed out invitations that I had made on the computer to the kids at the bus stop, and delivered a couple to the neighborhood kids who don't ride the bus.

on her actual bday, we had the neighborhood kids over (about 30 or so in all) for a cupcake and a cup of raspberry lemonade. they ate their cupcake, took a few pictures in the "photo booth" and headed back home. short and sweet. This part could have certainly been skipped to save more money. but I've got a hidden agenda. Next summer I plan on hosting a backyard Bible club at my house. And I want to invite all the neighborhood kids. But I want them (and their parents) to feel comfortable at my house, and have a few non-Bible club related experiences here so that they think it's really awesome at my house and beg their parents to come next summer.:) so, I'll buy a couple extra boxes of cake mix for the greater goal of teaching them about JESUS! :)

She also brought little 100 calorie bags of fudge striped cookies for her class. (they looked like owl eyes.) :)

can I get on my soap box here a second while I'm thinking about school snacks?? I've seen a few facebook comments and other things about parents kind of making a fuss about having to buy packaged snacks for birthday treats. I don't know, maybe if I didn't have the kid with the peanut allergy I'd be annoyed too. But let me just say that as a parent of a food allergy kid, I REALLY appreciate it when people make the extra effort so that my daughter can enjoy the same things other kids do. She spends most of her life being different from everyone else. Sitting at a different table, bringing her own lunch, not being allowed to eat the snacks that the rest of the class has, etc. It's her way of life, I know. She's used to it. But when she gets to eat the same thing that everyone else is eating it's really special for her. and she's not at risk, which makes me feel much better. So, even though there might be more preservatives and high fructose corn syrup and other crap that's found in processed foods, it's safe. and your kitchen may not be. ok, thanks. I'll be done now.

so, back to the birthday, we went out to eat after all the chaos was over, I mean, after the kids left. because I'd rather spend money on myself for a bday party than a bunch of other people. I'm selfish that way. :)

then on Saturday, we had our families over for supper and presents, and more owl pictures of course.

she also gets to choose ONE friend to go to a movie with her on Friday night. at the cheap theater. that's the really special part, because she gets to take a really close friend. All the neighborhood kids coming over is fun, but they aren't her closest friends. so this will be really special. and $5 gets them a movie ticket, candy, popcorn, and juice box. love that nasty little theater! :)

so, to me, that seems like a pretty decent birthday!!!

but the best part, is here's what I bought:
2 pieces of cardstock (.50 each maybe)
3 boxes of cake mix
2 boxes of cream cheese
1 bag powdered sugar
cupcake liners
mini chocolate chips (used maybe half a bag, and already had the white sprinkle things)
1 pkg sucker stick things ($2-$3 maybe?)
4 pieces of felt for the owl masks (.25 each)
a couple yards of owl fabric ($12?)
school snacks ($12, because you have to bring a prepackaged item, so that's a little more money)
3 balloons (the $1 kind, not the mylar ones)
raspberry lemonade mix. (.50 total)
napkins
food for our family party: sloppy joes, watermelon, chips, really really awesome spinach salad that you have GOT to try if you haven't already

Now, I realize that I might have somethings on hand that other people would have to buy, like, hot glue gun and glue sticks, wooden dowels for the mask handles, ribbon to cover the dowels, white cardstock to make the invitations, owl masks, bday treat labels, etc., a circle punch and a scallop circle punch for the toppers, and scrapbook paper for the treat labels. and I also have digital scrapbooking software so I can make the cute little invites and cupcake topper things myself. that helps. :)

OH, and I made her a little birthday shirt (didn't really post a picture bc it didn't turn out quite like I wanted...oh well. bought the shirt for 3.50 (score!) and the owl embroidery file for $3.)

ok, so...I think that's all? I know it wasn't fancy, but it was FUN. and Lillian loved it just as much as she would have loved any other party where you pay hundreds of dollars to rent a place out. so I call it a success.

since I'm a celebrater, crafter, and cheapskate at heart, it was the perfect party for me. :)

rewind: Brielle's 3rd birthday

2011-09-20T23:17:00.002-05:00

Last year in the fall I realized there were a million things that I never blogged about, so I did a few "rewind:" posts. and I'm pretty sure Brielle's birthday (which is actually in July) was finally posted about in September. and looks like that happened again.

But tomorrow is Lillian's birthday, and before I post about that, I want to post about Brielle's!

This year we were camping in Paulina again, which was super fun, but hard to plan any sort of special event for her party. the whole weekend ends up being special, which is a pretty good deal after all.

Miss B chose "mickey mouse" for her theme, which actually means Minnie Mouse, she just makes that mistake EVERY time. So, I took it upon myself to make Minnie Mouse cupcakes. Now, normally I order a cake that someone else makes because my philosophy on life is this: the less time spent in the kitchen the better. But then there's this whole money thing... Cupcakes are my thing lately because I can actually figure out ways to make them cute, and then I don't have to spend the money on a cake. Although, I will say, that every time I do it, I think the next time I'll just order one from Sara Crane Cakes. But it's fun to try be creative in a new way, and it's saved me lots of money. Time, on the other hand...

ok, and here's why it takes me so much time. When I made these cute little cupcakes for Brielle, I had to follow a recipe, and I also made the frosting. I think I had to use facebook THREE times to ask people what something meant, or what to do, or who knows what else. It's because there is nothing natural about me being in the kitchen. So I don't know things that maybe most other people know. Blame my mom. I always have. :) and Lillian and Brielle can blame me. Full permission granted.

so anyway, I finally got the dumb things baked, and then it was really fun to decorate them.

and see how cute they turned out???

OH WAIT. Blogger won't let me upload any more pictures onto my blog because I've exceeded my photo limit based on my picasa space or something dumb like that.

so that means I'm going to quit this post and edit it later. I'm SO SAD but don't have time to figure this out right now.

grrrr....

the diet coke diaries: miracle of miracles

2011-09-19T09:46:00.004-05:00

ok, well, I went to my dreaded dentist appointment. I was so embarassed (remember it had been 7 years since I'd been there, and I drank 2-3 diet cokes a day during those 7 years) that I gave a little warning to the dental hygienist, and apologized profusely for what she might find in there.

and then she went about her ways scraping the crap out of (or off of I guess) my teeth.

her job took a while. I will not wait that long again. I promise.

After that the dentist came in with the xrays and my stomach dropped. I told him I was ready for the bad news, but he was just like, "oh, let's hope it's not bad news!" so I warned him the same way I warned the d.h. But it turns out I don't have a single cavity! holy moly!

I must be a really good brusher.
and my YEARLY new year's resolution to floss every day (which has only lasted 6 weeks at my longest run) worked better than I thought it did.

yeah, either that, or God still performs miracles, which he does. and this might be one of them!

ok, so for the update:

it's been over 6 weeks since I have purchased diet coke for my home.

what I'm drinking: a bit more water, though still some lemonades, and other crystal light types of drinks. I just really don't WANT to drink that as a replacement for diet coke, because it still has aspartame and stuff in it. but I am drinking more water. just still not enjoying it like I want to. and I only have an occasional "coffee drink" now, as opposed to every day like I was a few weeks ago. progress people, I see progress.

how I'm feeling: well, now that I'm mostly past it, I feel okay talking about my major mood I was in. If you read my blog regularly, you may have noticed I got REALLY mad at one of my children for refusing to let me floss their teeth. dumb, I realize, but after fighting that for a week, I just lost it. One of my childhood friends commented that it was the diet coke withdrawal, and actually I think she might have been joking. or maybe not. but that wasn't the only little thing that made me crazy, and I think it really does play a big part. the last few weeks have actually been really hard, and I even considered going to the doctor. I just feel like my body is going totally out of whack. I don't sleep well, I'm crabby, I'm tired, and please DON'T tick me off, or I just might lose it. (thankfully, I think I'm on the upswing. I got some prenatal vitamins just to make sure my body has what it needs while it deals with not getting what it wants. not sure if it was just PMS, or chemical imbalance stuff, or vitamin deficiency, or what, but I'm glad I feel like it's getting under control.)

I'm still really tired too, probably because I don't sleep well. but I'm less tired during the day and don't feel the need to fall asleep at 7 pm anymore.

so, there you have it. 6 week update. I've decided this is a real addiction recovery. Maybe not quite as serious as other addictions, and I certainly don't mean to offend anyone who is recovering from something much more life altering. But if you ask my husband and my closest friends, they'll agree that it's much more major than we all expected.

I think I'll start feeling GOOD soon. I really do.

beauty

2011-09-16T20:52:00.003-05:00

Tonight we were at Hobby Lobby getting a few things to make the decorations for Lillian's party. As we were shopping, we walked into an aisle where there was another customer shopping. This customer was DECKED OUT. I mean, really fancy looking to be in Hobby Lobby. Like, big tall black boots with tight jeans and a bedazzled shirt. Bedazzled everything now that I think about it. Really fancy, dyed blonde hair, TONS of makeup, the sparkly eyeshadow and such, a fancy lookin hat, the works. and get this: all the stuff she was buying matched her outfit. Black and silver and BEDAZZALED. even her scissors. no joke.

And as I'm standing there in my sweats (why yes, it does happen to be the same pair of sweats I was wearing yesterday and slept in last night, thankyouverymuch) searching for the right package of cupcake stick things, Lillian just turns and looks at her. She's like 2 feet away, mind you. And she just STARED. for a LONG TIME. But I didn't tell her to stop, because obviously, the lady wants to draw attention to herself, which she did.

but MAN I wanted to know what Lillian was thinking.

So I waited til we got all the way to the car before I mentioned it. Didn't want the lady showing up in our aisle while we were conversing about her. not that I wouldn't see her coming, but...

OK, so we get in the van and I say, "did you guys see that really fancy lady in there?"

and she says "yes. I did. EVEN HER SCISSORS WAS SPARKLY! why do you ask?"

not really sure how to word it nicely, I say, "well, I'm just thinking about her. and wondering what she looks like just the way God made her. and wondering why she wants to look so fancy, and if she doesn't like the way she looks without all that."

and Lillian, bless her heart, says, "yeah, because sometimes wearing too much makeup actually doesn't make you look good."

and I say, "yeah, and it's just so different from the way God made her that it kinda makes me sad."

and then, DOUBLE bless her heart, she says, "well, yeah, mom. and look at YOU! You don't have ANNNYYYY of that on and you still look BEAUTIFUL!"

that, on the day I noticed these bags under my eyes are sure getting bigger and blacker...

self control

2011-09-13T20:32:00.003-05:00

can I tell you about my self control?

I don't have very much very often.

but, right now I have some. lots actually.

you won't believe this: I'm not on pinterest. If you know me, and you know pinterest, that is probably baffling to you. in fact, it is to me too. But I am POSITIVE that once I get signed up on that darn thing, it's going to suck time away from me that I don't even have to be sucked anyway.

so, there's my brag. I've known about it for a LONG time, and I'm refusing to join, for the sake of time management. (which is another baffling thing if you know me.)

go TIME! :)

be better

2011-09-08T21:04:00.002-05:00

Tonight's one of those nights where my kids really deserve a better mom.

a small battle about flossing turned into a potential Dr. Phil episode. I am so embarrassed at myself. By the end of it we were all in tears.

I took a break, to collect my sanity which had spewed out all over the house, gather my self control that I just abandoned in a pile in the hallway, and scrounge up some humility to go ask for forgiveness.

My kids don't handle my tears very well. They were so very forgiving, especially "the one" who got it the worst. But I wanted to be forgiven because I messed up and asked for forgiveness, not because I was crying about it. But they were all quick to forgive, and respond with "it's OKAY Mommy!" even when it's NOT okay, because they want their mommy to stop crying.

They deserve better.

so tomorrow, I'll be better.

Because for me, it's really just a decision. When I "make a good choice" to be better, I can be.

so tomorrow, I'll be better. for them.

the diet coke diaries: un-friendship

2011-09-01T14:16:00.002-05:00

well, I'm about four weeks in now.

wow, it sure feels a lot longer than that.

I spoiled myself on my birthday and let myself have TWO diet cokes. and I also had one on the drive home from OC on Sunday. and, also, I had one today. :)

you probably think that none of it really counts when I have that many in a week still. BUT IT DOES, because I never really had the goal of never drinking it ever again. my goal is to not buy it for our house anymore, because when it's around I drink 2 or 3 a day.

and by golly, I've been to the store a bajillion times in the last 4 weeks and not a single box came home with me. or bottle. or can. :) I'm pretty sure our recycling guys are confused. (we don't get refunds for our cans here, so we just recycle them.) there used to be boxes and cans blowing up and down our street on Tuesdays, and now, it's just cereal boxes.

here's how I feel: totally crappy and tired....STILL.
when I have one: I thankfully DON'T find myself up til 3am anymore.
what I drink instead: wish it was just water, but more often it's like lemonade or my iced "coffee" drink, which steve doesn't think I should be allowed to call it, because it's really just ice with milk and a glug of coffee creamer and only a splash of coffee. But what I realized i miss most is just FLAVOR. water doesn't have any FLAVOR! (it's growing on me though.)

and now, for the big news...

I un-friended diet coke. it's true.

every day on facebook the stupid diet coke people would ask me what I"m doing while I enjoy my ice cold diet coke that day. and I just couldn't stand it anymore. so I un-friended it. or un-liked it or whatever.

so, I carry on.

til next time...

on turning 30.

2011-08-30T09:23:00.003-05:00

I finally made it. I'm 30.

I actually feel like this is the 'age decade' I've belonged in all my life. :) It's kind of a joke in my family that my childhood never really existed. I don't remember really playing anything when I was little, except school with M&M, and I was the teacher.

and in the home videos and such I'm just sort of non-existent. it's weird.

and in high school I didn't really do the normal rebellious things that high school kids did.

and in college I didn't do the things that normal college kids did, besides a few Perkins runs here and there.

and when I was 21 I was married. and when I was 23 I was a mom.

it all seems so weird now. I think I've spent most of my life in my 30s, and now I finally caught up with myself. :)

so that's why it feels good. I think I belong here. I'm much more comfortable being 30-something than a 20-something.

so yeah, the day was great. My friend Rachel was over for a while in the morning, and then she went out and got me chipotle for lunch, and burgers for the kids so that I didn't even have to cook the whole day! (I think she's my friend who knows me best because every time she does anything for me-which is OFTEN-it seems to be EXACTLY what I need/want.)

Then after lunch I took the kids to the park, and found three of my friends there with thier kids! I felt like it was a little surprise party for myself, since none of the friends really know each other well. I was the common link! It was so fun!

after that was naptime. I had to finish up some pinkadink items, but that was still fun!

Then Steve came home early (but had to lay down because of his big nasty headache). :(

Then I made my own birthday cake with the kids, because even though I don't like cake (unless it's Sara Crane Cakes or DQ ice cream cake) they really really wanted me to have a bday cake.

Then we went to get me some avacado egg rolls for supper (fave!) and some more diet coke, because happy birthday to me. :)

after supper the kids and steve decorated my cake, and then we ate it!

the crappy part of the day is that steve had to go back to work, and he just wasn't feeling well all day. so I feel like I barely even got to be with him, but such is life I guess. but instead I "hung out" with my sister in law for a while on face time (she lives in Honduras) and we just chatted the night away.

We always kind of say that as you get older birthdays are just sort of another day. But not today. it was special.

I just kept taking a bird's eye view of my life, and realizing how blessed I am. I had gotten cards and gifts in the mail all weekend. I got some ridiculous number (like, over 100) birthday greetings on facebook, which some people think is cheap and insincere, but I happen to love! I spent my day with my kids and my friends and my favorite foods. I'm blessed with a husband who, even though it really sucks that he works so stinking much, takes care of his family, and works hard at his job. lots of other guys would just be selfish and throw in the towel I think. but not my man. :)

God has BLESSED this undeserving mother/wife/friend.
for THIRTY years.

"what do you love about mom?"

2011-08-29T21:18:00.004-05:00

L: I love every thing that she does for me.
J: I love that she loves me, and she loves me, and she loves me. And I love that lets us eat birthday cake even though we didn't eat all our food.
B: I love that we can eat cake.
L: OH, and I love that she lets me go to school instead of being homeschooled because that would be BORING. (she's a social one, she is.)
S: I love that she gave me three beautiful kids. and that she picked me.
J: and I love that you guys got married and kissed on the lips!
B: Josiah said he loves that you got married....{giggle}

the diet coke diaries: the beginning of the end

2011-08-26T18:31:00.006-05:00

I'm a HUGE diet coke fan.

It's actually freaked me out for a while now, how much I love it. And other people too. I feel like if you are a diet coke drinker, that's all you drink as far as pop goes. If you're a pop drinker in general, it seems like you don't care much for diet coke. strange. I realize there are probably a million exceptions, but based on the people I know, we LOVE our diet coke.

I started drinking it more in college I think. We never really had pop in the house growing up. But in college I could get it in the caf, which was awesome. And then when we were in Spain, I remember going to Gibraltar and FINALLY getting "real" diet coke, as opposed to Coca Cola Light, which is NOT the same. I even took a picture of myself drinking it I was so happy. So clearly, somewhere in those 4 years, I became what some my call an addict.

And then we moved back to the States where it was available all the time. I started drinking it more often, and always had it in the house. Even through my pregnancies, it seemed like I craved it MORE than ever, and if you don't know me at all, I'm not really a "by the books" kind of person when it comes to that. I probably had at least one a day (probably more) during all my pregnancies, and nursing for the whole year after, even though you're not really supposed to have caffeine.

And then at some point I started having one with my lunch and my supper without exception. Which makes two a day. at least. for a LONG time. and maybe occasionally I'd have one in the afternoon when I just wanted something refreshing.

oh, and I NEVER drank water. hardly EVER. or milk, except with cereal. It was really the main source of liquid in my life for a very very long time.

I know all the info about aspartame, and how horrible it is. I even tried to quit drinking it a number of times. And it worked, for a while. but then I'd buy a box again, and that was the beginning of another cycle.

In the last couple years, I finally decided to stop trying to quit drinking it. People have their guilty pleasures, and mine was diet coke. I was a diet coke drinker. end of story.

But then...
while I was on vacation, and my hubby was home working...
he got an idea...
to CUT CAFFEINE FROM HIS DIET.

and he informed me over the phone. and in that moment, I decided to stand by my man, and do it with him.

So, after I finished all the diet coke that I brought home from the cabin leftovers, we quit drinking caffeine. So I started to buy caffeine free diet coke. :) but seriously? it just wasn't the same. so...DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN......

I quit. altogether.

sort of.

I don't buy it for the house anymore. so if we go out, I still have it. which is what sort of means.

Ok, so the only problem was that it TOTALLY messed me up. after having two or three a day for the better part of 7 years, and cutting completely off, I was a mess. falling asleep in the middle of the day, dragging dragging dragging all day every day. and then when I'd have like ONE glass, I'd be up til like 3 am going stir crazy in my bed. I was a total mess.

And then my kids were gone for a week, and it was my "crank it out 2011" time for the pinkadink, so I NEEDED to be productive. and, well, productivity=diet coke. and I drank A LOT of it that week, because I also took the week off of cooking too, so we went out a lot. :)

but then it was back to the grind. back to the exhaustion. but I survived. and didn't really regret my week of indulgence. :)

and that was like 3 weeks ago. I think I'm doing good! (don't you????) :)

I keep thinking I'll get to the point where diet coke actually grosses me out. and I'll wonder how in the heck I drank so much of it every day. But I'm still FAR from that place.

I think about it every day. at least twice a day. probably more.

I miss it. I miss it soooo much.

I still go crazy when I do have it, and can't sleep at night. but my productivity skyrockets, which is awesome. and totally worth it, which is really sad.

so, my friends, this is the diet coke diaries. I'm hoping it's short lived. that very soon I'll be writing my "grossed out" post. But this is my journey, where it started, and where I am now.

it's one step at a time. so tonight, since it's Friday Night Movie Night, I'm sipping diet coke with my pizza, and loving every minute of it. and the good news is that Monday is my birthday, and we'll be going out to eat, and I might give myself the gift of a diet coke with my meal.

oh, and ah....I have a dentist appointment in a couple weeks, after not being there for almost SEVEN years, and drinking one or two or three diet cokes every day since then. so. yeah. I'm thinking the "grossed out" post might come after I pay that bill. good chance it will.

Mr. and Mrs. Smits

2011-08-17T22:53:00.007-05:00

I've never actually heard ANYONE pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Smits before in my whole life. Wasn't alive yet when my parents or my uncles got married, and I only have ONE boy cousin with the last name Smits and I wasn't at his wedding. And my brother isn't married yet. We're heavily female on the Smits side. (We do have one more boy cousin, but his mom was a Smits, so he won't even carry on the name.) So anyway, it's an occasion to be celebrated!

although, I can't pretend I wouldn't LOVE to have there be no need for a wedding between these two people. For everyone's old lives to just have gone on uninterrupted by death.

But the day was absolutely beautiful. The BRIDE was absolutely beautiful. My children looked absolutely beautiful. And all of us being together was just so wonderful.

The ceremony was a WHIRLWIND of emotion. There were crying babies and fussy kids everywhere, so that kind of helped me not just sit and bawl like a baby the whole time. But there were probably 5 times that I had a quick hard cry for like 30 seconds, and then it would pass. I was also trying to get pictures from the front row with my 50mm fixed lens, which was challenging enough without the tear and nose wiping. so it kept me occupied. That's about what what I remember about the ceremony. tears, kids, camera.

But the reception is what I'm really going to remember when i think back on the wedding. It was so strange to pull up to this old golf course and pond, where I hadn't been since I was probably 10 years old. Most of my memories from that place are from when i was even younger, before we moved to California, which was when I was six. My mom used to take us there to play with our cousins while she sat in her lawn chair with her visor on, chatting the day away with her sister. There was this dumpy old blue water slide, and a raft out in the deep with a high dive on it. In my memory it was so big and beautiful and full of happiness. And seeing it now as an adult just gave me a completely different perspective.

Everything had changed. no more slide, no more high dive, no more concession stand to buy a frozen Charleston Chew from, no more little kids running around because there's really not even much of a lake anymore. no more of all the things that made it what it was. and no more mom.

but it was still beautiful.

And the little clubhouse thing that is there now was decorated just absolutely beautifully. There were all these little details that made it all magical. There were delicious little wedding colored sixlet things at our tables, and hershey's kisses. black and white, and a little red. about a gazillion balloons, and a gazillion more candles (which didn't go over very well for Lillian, my FIRE FEARER). Little kids and big kids all over the place, dressed in their coordinating clothes, a mixture of all the people my dad and Judy love most.

and that's the thing, see.

it was beautiful. the decorations were beautiful. the setting was beautiful. the people were beautiful. the weather was beautiful.

and their life together can be beautiful.

If you've ever lost someone close to you, you probably understand the whole thing about feeling a little bit guilty for enjoying certain things, or allowing certain things to happen, or...whatever. It was like I was almost tempted to feel guilty for allowing myself to enjoy the day, because it only existed because my mom was gone.

But how can you not be thrilled for the widow and widower who found love (much too soon in the eyes of their kids, but of course in God's perfect timing) at a support group for the loss of a spouse. who suffered through such similar situations, caring for the one they loved most, and then watching them leave this earth. And now they have each other. And I'm so glad.

it was almost like that was the theme for the day. beauty in the change. yeah, the lake looks different. things are different. but it's still beautiful.

growing up...

2011-08-15T18:07:00.003-05:00

proud auntie :)

2011-08-14T23:09:00.006-05:00

Had these two beauties at my house for less than a day this weekend, but had to snap some pictures while I could. aren't they STINKIN cute? if only my other nephews lived closer and I could take theirs too, then oh my, you'd all just wonder how I got so lucky to be their auntie A. :)

160 days without you

2011-08-12T09:38:00.002-05:00

so, I've taken a little blogging hiatus, which you probably haven't noticed. I have yet to post about things like my dad's wedding and B's 3rd birthday. But before I do that, I just have to tell you about yesterday.

Remember last year? Lillian had a really hard transition into kindergarten. I didn't even post about most of it, just the first day. I'm not sure what happened, but the girl that I thought was SO READY for kindergarten actually wasn't. Well, I guess she was ready for the learning part, but not the being away from mommy part. She turned into a completely different child and was hiding behind doors before school, and making herself SICK thinking about riding the bus. It was a LONG first few weeks last year.

But this year, since she knows a bunch of kids in her class already, and one of her best friends (erica) is in her class, and her teacher seems really awesome, and the fact that she's "bored" just about all day every day, I thought for sure she'd be excited!

But the last few days she's made little comments about not wanting to go back, and other little things.

And last night we had 'back to school night' or whatever, and met her teacher, and saw some friends. And when I put her to bed, she looked at me with her big brown eyes and said, "but mommy, I don't WANT to be away from you for 160 days again!" :( and THEN...at about 9 she got out of her bed and walked downstairs and started bawling in my arms, saying she couldn't sleep because all she could think about was going to school and not being with me.

I know she'll be fine once the year gets going. I know. But that doesn't help NOW. So, we'll read The Kissing Hand again, and find something to put in her pocket to give her a little comfort when she misses me. It's so wonderful that she thinks I'm awesome and wants to be with me, because I know some day that will change. :) I just really hope that she doesn't dread the start of school every year.

it's more than this mama's heart can take.

since you're all wondering... :)

2011-06-23T14:02:00.004-05:00

My dad gets married tomorrow.

The brave people have actually asked me how I feel about it. And everyone else just looks really wide eyed and awkward when they "your dad? are your parents divorced?" and I respond with, "no, my passed away a while back."

So I figure most people are wondering how I feel about it. So I thought I'd document it before the big day. So here goes:

I have no idea what emotions I'm feeling, let alone how to talk about them.

and I'm tempted to leave it at that.

But I've realized the last few years that blogging really helps me identify feelings better, and to work things out in my head. There's a lot going on, so let me see if I can put some words to it.

Their story is so sweet:
Both my dad and Judy were married for a long time to their spouses. They both had the HORRIBLE experience of watching their spouse suffer and die from cancer. They know what each other have been through. They actually met at the hospice grief support group for spouses. And they started dating. and it's SOOOO sweet.

except for the fact that it means my mom died. and Denny died. and that just seems so wrong. It's been really fun to get ready for this big family event. Except that it really kinda feels like a slap in the face that once again we are having this wonderful time as a family but my mom's not there. We've had a few of those moments in the last 4 and a half years. But nothing as major as a wedding since RIGHT after she died when my sister got married.

and not only will my mom not be there, but her family won't either. and it totally makes sense. don't get me wrong. I'm not wishing my dad had invited them. The guest list is very basic. Dad and Judy's siblings and their spouses, and the kids and grandkids. so don't feel bad if you aren't invited. :) But we've never had a wedding in our family where my mom's side hasn't been represented. so that's just weird. and hard.

of course I'm not SAD that my dad's getting married. I'm thrilled for him. And I know it's exactly what my mom would want. without a doubt.

It's just so emotional in so many ways. ways I didn't expect. The fact that the wedding is happening only because of the fact that my mom is gone is hard to escape.

But as far as Judy goes: YES, we LOVE her! YES, she's great! YES, the kids are totally thrilled! I've always said that if there was another person who would love my kids as much as my mom would have, it's Judy. I'm SO sad that my kids don't get to know my mom. It kills me. But they have never known a life without two grandmas, because Judy stepped up in every way. And that's what really matters to me. I don't need anyone to replace my mom. And Judy gets that. But I DO need my kids to have a grandma on my side. and they have one. and now they FINALLY get to call her "Grandma Judy." :)

So, I'll probably be a bawling baby tomorrow. tears of joy. tears if sadness. tears because I just have no idea to describe what I feel, and it's really hard.

But once we get past the EVENT of it, things will be back to normal. it's just the EVENT that's bringing all the emotion, not the marriage.

But FIRST (well, after the wedding but before the "back to normal" part), my three kids and I and my three sisters and two brothers-in-law and one brother and four nephews and 1 niece will be heading to a cabin in MN for a few days to hang out. And I certainly know how I feel about that. :) and I'm also certain about how I feel that my husband can't come. :(

so there you have it. a bunch of words that STILL don't describe how I'm feeling right now. But that's all I'd be able to say to you if you asked, but now you don't have to ask. and you don't have to not ask either and look awkward. :)

treading water

2011-06-19T21:52:00.014-05:00

Lately, trying to find the balance of enjoying our summer, keeping the house clean(ish), and working on pinkadink stuff has been a bit like treading water. not really making any progress anywhere, just trying to stay afloat.

wait a minute....have I written this post before? I think this is life's constant battle. If it's not enjoying our summer, it's something else. but the family, business, and home balance is just tough.

ok, so lately, I've been feeling like I was WAY behind in every area. Because I was behind on the pinkadink, we weren't spending time outside like we totally should have been. And because we weren't outside, that meant we were inside, and the house was a major mess. And when the house is a mess the last thing I feel like doing is cooking because that just makes a bigger mess. oh wait. that's the last thing I ever feel like doing no matter if the house is clean or dirty. :)

So I had to figure out how to make myself more productive, and spend a chunk of time on some major things so that in the future it would be easier. so I thought I'd share them with you all.

Let's start with this guy:

This is my new best friend. I know that lots of people have lots of really great ideas for meal planning, and that's all fine and dandy. But I couldn't just copy someone else's idea when I wasn't totally convinced it fit me and my personality. SO, I just kinda quit the whole meal planning thing. I would plan a few meals at a time, and it would last me a few days, and I'd throw grilled cheese in there one night to just make my planned meals last a little longer. But I was at my neighbor Jenny's house the other day, caught a glimpse of her plan, and fell in love. So the very next day I started my own.

It's just a photo binder with recipes in it. fancy, I know. You all probably heard about that easy idea years ago, and honestly, I probably did too. But it just wasn't a time in my life where I was ready to take action. So anyway, I have all the recipes that I already make and like in one spot. I ripped them out of magazines and copied them out of cookbooks. And then I folded the recipes so that the ingredients were all showing in the photo pocket for easy grocery list making. And then, because my printer is out of ink, I drew a lovely calendar for myself and just started filling it in! Every Wednesday we do grilled cheese or quesadillas, because during the school year we are rushing to get to kids club on Wednesdays, so I want it to be a no cooking night. And every Sunday we do breakfast all day, which is a HUGE hit in our house. We have cereal for breakfast, eggs, pancakes, etc. for lunch, and then cereal again for supper. :) and often we throw popcorn in there for supper too. Plus, on Friday nights we do Friday Night Movie Night (which we started when Steve started working his long hours and we needed some way for Fridays to be special). So on FNMN we either get dollar cheeseburgers or have pizza. SO, when I mark all those off on the calendar, it doesn't seem QUITE as overwhelming to plan the meals.

so anyway, taking one day to make that binder has taken a HUGE load of stress off my mind. I really don't enjoy cooking, so this just takes away the mental hatred I have toward the whole 'what the HECK are we gonna have tonight' problem.

and, it works for me.

ok, so another major battle we have here is the laundry. I've already confessed that I forget about my loads of laundry in the washer, and end up rewashing them multiple times before I get them into the dryer before they stink. this week I washed a load of rags FIVE times. not kidding you. ok, so during the six or seven days I spend washing the same load of rags, all the other laundry was building up. and when i brought it down the pile on the floor was just HUGE. the balance was WAY off.

so I got an idea. and when I get an idea I usually act on it right away. and that's how I know my husband loves me. he doesn't ever say "that doesn't make any sense to do that right now, Andrea." he says, "ok." :) and he even helps me.

so when I bring it up to him on Thursday night that I'd really like to get rid of the toilet in the basement, he said ok! and by the end of Thursday night the toilet was gone! So I stole a shelf from the garage, bought a bunch of $3 laundry baskets on Friday morning, and now have a freaking sweet laundry area in my pinkadink room. so now, if you want to come over and look at the pinkadink stuff, you don't have to walk all over my laundry that's all over the floor of that room anymore! I can dump it all out, sort it into the baskets, and then it stays off the floor and makes the room a much happier place to be. see? yes, I'm going to get two more black baskets for that shelf. but for now, my green one is just fine. :) and...I am still using my over-the-toilet shelf to hang dress shirts on when they get out of the dryer. brilliant.

and I guess I should clarify when i say "pinkadink room." see, I used to have one pinkadink room (the laundry room). and then i had my sewing machines (all three!) in the kids' toy room. well, see, that didn't really work out so well, because I'm a messy creator, and so the kids couldn't really play down there. So I got another idea to just take over the whole room, and Steve said ok! :) only, there were still lots of toys down there. So we've been coming up with ways to get the toys stored up here in an organized fashion. a garage sale and a huge trip to goodwill helped a lot in that department. :) But we still had about a gazillion doll items that were downstairs, which was sad because they never got played with.

BUT THEN...
I was driving Lillian back from book club on garage sale weekend, and I spotted a very special garage sale. It was a driveway FULL of furniture. really unique pieces. really awesome stuff. So I stopped, found some items I LOVED, and came back for permission and a helper. :) and steve said ok. (isn't he awesome?) :)

So, there were about six things that I really really loved, but settled on 3 of them for the girls' room. The first one was $40, which is a lot more than I would normally spend at a garage sale. but check this out.

This is an awesome piece of furniture. It opens by pushing that little button you probably can't even see. So little ones (brielle or daycare kids) can't accidentally open it and get hurt. PLUS, it doesn't even slam shut, so you can't really get your fingers hurt. the inside is really clean really nice wood. can't even describe how awesome it is. plus, it holds all the doll stuff.

and then, not because it helps me lose the treading water feeling, but only because I fell in love, we got this beautiful mirror for $20. twenty bucks. and it's so beautiful. it'll be even more beautiful when we figure out how to hang it without the wire showing, but you get the point.

and THEN, for $5, we got this adorable little shelf that totally matches the other new stuff to display her little tea set on. it's just been sitting in a wooden box thing where no one could see it, and in danger of anyone bumping it or playing with it or anything. But now, it's up on display, and they'll need my help to get the dishes down. It's pretty special to me because it was my mom's. We never really knew about it until we were cleaning the house after she died, so I'm pretty sure it was just a tea set she had in her office for the little girls to play with. not sure. but since it was her's, it's special to me. So I wanted it up on display. and doesn't it look cute?

and then, while we were in the process of making thier room look cute, I came up with a brilliant idea for all of Lillian's pictures she had hanging on the wall. See, she loves artwork. and letters. and she loves them all over her walls. and I've let her tape stuff all over her room because I wanted her to love her room. it's her space, after all. But I've hated it all along. it made her room look so messy all the time. the whole area by her bed was COVERED. until yesterday. that's when i came up with the idea to make this:

I thought we could peel the stickers off her valentine's day box (which we finally threw out) to make the cover page, and then put all her little pictures and junky posters and calendar pictures into sleeves in a binder. and she said ok! (she gets that from steve.) :) crank your head to see it I guess. it's uploading sideways. can't fix it.

I still let her keep her two real posters up. I don't want to scar the girl for life. But it makes a HUGE difference in how clean her room FEELS. I love it. (all that green space (and more!) was covered in pictures and letters!)

ok, so I think that's all. But doing those things has made me feel like I made MAJOR progress in the 'home' part of the balance, so that just maybe it won't weigh so much anymore. so far so good. I've been making meals and doing laundry on a more consistent basis. and this weekend and next week are "vacation" days, so that will help in the fun part of the balance. So I just really need to get a bunch of pinkadink stuff done this week and I'll feel pretty good! (I have a list of things I need to make each day til we leave for vacation in order to be done on time. the only problem is that I spent my time writing this blog instead of sewing, which means I'll be way behind already tomorrow.)

off I go to find the balance and see if I can swim a little! :)

Aria

2011-06-17T16:27:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned Aria a few times on this blog before. She's my sweet little "friend" from New Zealand who I've actually only met once. I've talked to her mum :) a few times, and we've been to the sprinkler park together once. And we've {almost} made many plans, but timing hasn't worked out or life got in the way or something equally as stupid as that.

I obviously don't know this family THAT well. But something in me feels SO strongly connected to them because of the number of prayers that have been said on their behalf for their daughter Aria. We feel like we know them much more than they probably feel like they know us.

Anyway, it KILLS ME that there's not much I can do for this family besides pray. So I thought I'd mention them one more time on here, so that at least the 47 followers I have will possibly say a prayer when they read this, and maybe another if they think of it later in the day.

I still don't really even understand the power of prayer. I don't know if it "changes God's mind," or if God even has a mind to change. I don't know if the outcome (aka "God's will") could be changed if he got 'enough prayers.'. and I don't think "God's will" is necessarily something he planned out. so yeah, I don't really understand the power of prayer. But I BELIEVE it. and maybe it's because my family felt it when my mom was sick. who knows. but it's real.

and with all that I don't know, what I DO know is that this family, and this girl, need us to storm the gates of heaven with them. Aria needs prayer, her mom and dad need prayer, and her little brother who wants nothing more than for his big sister to come home from the hospital needs prayer.

so would you say a prayer right now for Aria?

and now one for Hamish?

and one for Anita? (and then another quick one, because my "mother's heart" breaks for her.)

and also for Asher?

And when you kiss your healthy kids goodnight tonight, can you say another one? and don't forget to thank God for the life you live. For the fact that you put your kids to bed IN YOUR HOME, and not a hospital. and that you get to be together as a family?

This weekend, in honor of the MacDonalds, I'm going to complain less and pray more. wanna join me?

you can read up on Aria's story here if you want.

I can be your hero, baby

2011-06-15T18:17:00.004-05:00

I rescued a dog.

I am not a dog person.

My children are not dog children.

But we saw a dog running about two feet away from oncoming traffic out on K64 yesterday as we neared Orange City. And everything in me that ever loved any animal came forth. And everything in my children that ever loved any animal came forth. And they BEGGED me to pull over and get the dog. Like, almost crying, wanting the dog IN OUR VAN with them. Trying to convince me that all along they really HAVE liked dogs, they just acted like they didn't. But...

a. it was raining. pouring acutally.
b. it was thundering.
c. dogs and thunder don't mix.
d. dogs and Hydeen children don't mix.

So we drove on. And the 2 miles to my sister's houses were torture for the kids. They really really didn't want that dog to die. And I just knew that if I didn't go back and check on it, I'd feel TERRIBLE when we drove back out of town and saw it lying on the side of the road. And I knew I wouldn't really find it anyway. And if I did, there was almost no way that it would be alive.

so i drop the kids off and unload the baby swing I was bringing for a friend. and I drove back out in the rain to find the dog. There were like a million cars on the road at the time, and it was raining, so I didn't really feel like I could just pull over on the side of the road if I found it. So I was looking for the dog, but also for a place to pull INTO, which barely exists on that mile stretch. except for RIGHT behind Van Beek Scientific, where there happens to be a drive way. And that just happens to be where I spot her.

only she's heading the wrong way.

and I'm in a white dress.

and it's raining.

and she's muddy.

BUT SHE'S SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!

she looked just like this, but sopping wet, and without the teddy bear.

So I pull into the driveway, and stand in the rain and call for her. and clap really loud. She was headed the opposite direction, and because of all the cars, she could barely hear me. So I just keep on yelling and clapping. Thankfully since my van was pulled over people knew something was up so they slowed down, and she very slowly moved away from the traffic and over to me. Except she STOPS like 20 feet from me, right in the half mud half grass. and she just stares at me. for a LONG time. so I stick my hand out and basically invite her to come jump up with her muddy feet all over my white dress. and she finally came up to me, and let me check her collar. I DRAG her over to my van to get my phone, but she will NOT get in my van. So I stand out in the rain to call the phone number, but instead of being the owners number, it's the vet clinic's number. and they don't answer.

and I'm wet.

and half bent over holding the collar, but with the phone between my ear and shoulder.

and she's wet.

and dirty.

but seriously SOOOOOOOO cute.

So I, in super hero fashion, lift the dog up by the collar and get her into my van. like a very prissy super hero though because I didn't think to change my freaking clothes at my sister's house when I was there 8 minutes before. (scatterbrained) ;)

But this dog seriously sat perfectly in my van, barely moving, just looking out the front window with me while I drove back into town and called the vet clinic over and over and over til they answered. They finally did and gave me the number of the owner. So I quick stopped at my sister's to show the kids the dog was alive and their mom was a super hero. :) Then I called the owner and brought sweet Dakota back home (practically in Alton by the way).

Now, I have loved the dogs my family has owned. I truly have. But I have absolutely positively ZERO desire to have a pooping, chewing, bad breath breathing canine in my home. But oh my gosh, if I would ever have a dream (like, a real, sleeping dream) where I owned a dog, it would be a brown and white cocker spaniel named Dakota. I'm sure of it.

i have been changed for good

2011-06-13T09:38:00.006-05:00

Last night we went to WICKED with Lillian. Actually, with lots of Orange City people too. 52 of us in all I think. Old (as in former, not old) :) teachers, friends, family, strangers. all of us sharing the experience. It was so fun.

There's not really even a whole lot to say. I guess I'm just still in la la land. We loved it.

For those of you that don't know, Lillian has loved Wicked as long as I have. We got the music years ago and were hooked right away. She insisted on being Elphaba for Haloween a couple years ago, see?

and at 3 or 4 years old would just walk around the house singing the songs from the soundtrack at the top of her lungs. She has a love for theatrical arts like her parents, although it seems to be more of the audience side like her mama now that she's older, instead of the on-stage part like her daddy that she had a bit more of when she was younger. Either way, we really want to feed her passion if we can, so we head to the Rose theater or other school productions whenever we can get the chance.

So, needless to say, she loved it. She was really tired, but she loved it. She was asked about a million times what her favorite part was, and didn't have an answer til this morning: when Elphaba was singing in the rain (I'm Not That Girl). I totally love that song, and yes, it was a cool part with the effects of the rain and such. But I was really shocked that it was her favorite part! I can only imagine she'll have many favorite parts as she processes it all. I just wish I could get inside her head and see what she's thinking. :)

For me, I loved it even more than the first time I saw it. I think I was a little more annoyed with Glinda last time, since I didn't pick up on THAT MUCH annoying-ness from the music. But this time, since I was expecting it, I thought she was hilarious. And Elphaba was AMAZING. Gosh, I'd love to see Idina and Kristen do it, but I'm not really sure it could possibly be a whole lot better than what we saw last night. SOOOOO GOOOD. It was just lovely to be out with my husband and lots of the people I love most in life.

Here are a few pictures to prove we did it. :) I could also show you our empty bank account as proof, after the tickets, the dinner, the babysitter, the tshirt....but man, the memories? priceless. :)

If you've never seen the show, you've just got to. It's such a great story. It's entertaining, convicting, romantic, hilarious, moving, everything you can imagine. Its a story you'll think about forever. It'll make you wonder what people's real story is, instead of just the part you (think you) know. and it'll change you. for good.

scatter-brained

2011-06-07T11:54:00.005-05:00

Occasionally I'll run into someone out of the blue who I don't know all that well and they'll tell me that they read my blog. it's funny to me that people from many walks of life get a glimpse of what goes on in this household. my household.

I try very hard to be myself here. and to not make myself look like a super mom, or someone who has it all together. because I DON'T. and people who know me well probably know that. :) but I have to wonder about the people who don't know me well. what do they think when they read this blog? of course I don't have time to dwell on that, but occasionally I just wonder. I just HAVE to make sure that they don't feel how I feel when i read other people's blogs and wonder (but it's more than wondering, it's more like coveting) how they manage a household, and a business, and their family, and just their BRAINS! my brain is so scattery.

so I just have to tell you about yesterday. it was one of those days I just had to laugh at myself. so just in case there are any more scatterbrains out there, this should make you feel a bit better.

Ok, so for the summer, my daycare baby (who's not really a baby anymore, but I still call her my daycare baby) is home with her mama, so our lives look a bit different. I actually made a SCHEDULE for our home, which is first of all, a miracle, and secondly, something that I will share in another post. Ok, so daycare baby is home. BUT, I committed to watching our sweet little neighbor boy only two days a week, one of them being Mondays, which was yesterday.

So I get myself up early on purpose to clean the house a little bit since his mom will see it. :) and I'm feeling pretty good that I got a load of dishes in the dishwasher (nevermind the TWO sinkfulls that still sat there dirty) and a load of laundry in the wash (nevermind that it was a re-wash of a load from the day before which sat in the washer all day because I'm...scatterbrained).

I think I even got clothes on one kid before 9:00 (which is when we get dressed, according to the schedule). :) I was on the ball, let me tell you.

Then the neighbor boy shows up and we head outside to water the garden and the front plants and flowers, and fill the pool so we can actually swim in it later that afternoon without turning into hose-water icicles.

Then neighbor boy poos his pants so we head inside to change him. It's 9:15 and since we were filling up the pool I started thinking about when we are going to get Lillian in swimming lessons and the fact that she really wants to stay in OC for two weeks and do them there (although she thinks that means Beso will teach her, which is quite the misunderstanding). There's only one session that would work for her because she has book club during the first session and my dad's wedding and our vacation for the second session and...

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH CCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!

it dawned on me in that very poop-wiping moment that book club started that day. at 9.

So I turn my crazy on and start barking commands (happy ones!) for everyone to find some clothes and get in the van. Josiah had decided that yesterday was a good day for him to dress himself, thankfully, because most days aren't. And Lillian caught on to the hurry part, and within 5 minutes we were all dressed and in the van. skills I tell you. skills.

So we FLY to the school, and get there like 30 minutes after it started, but we got her there anyway. and on our way out of the school Josiah says, "mom, I think our pool is overflowing!" and I say

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH CCCCCRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!
(again. I have to stop saying that phrase.)

so we race home and I RUN to the back and trudge through the soggy back yard and turn the water off. Then I go back to the van to get the kids and realize that we had left our door wide open when we left in our "skillful" departure!

and by open I don't mean unlocked.

by OPEN, I mean, wide open. like, the heavy door was open as far as it could go. and the screen door was stuck open. you know, like when you prop it open to haul in groceries and stuff. wide open. we don't leave our car doors unlocked or they steal our GPSs out of our them. (grrr..) and I left our house wide open. a free for all for any pinkadink lovers or just people who like our cheap-but-still-has-the-look-we-want taste.

ok, so anyway, it was like 9:35 in the morning and I had already had 4 major scatter-brain moments. the laundry, book club, the pool, and the doors. and those are just the major ones. I don't even share the million scattery things that happen each and every day. because I'm sure you'd all plan an intervention of some sort. I'm surprised Steve hasn't yet, after loving me for 13.5 years. that's a lot of tolerance, people.

but I'll have you know that I spent the entire afternoon outside lounging in the sun, which was the perfect cure, except for wishing my scatter-brained self hadn't 'forgotten' to go the the gym so many times. :)

last day of kindergarten. already.

2011-06-06T13:50:00.006-05:00

I remember the first day of kindergarten. it looked like this:

and like this:

And the last day of kindergarten looked like this:

and like this:

I must admit that I intentionally put that little princess ribbon in her hair to make her look a little more little-girlish. Because she's almost 7. and while six is still little-girlish, seven is NOT. and she's almost seven.

and don't even get me started on the other two. it's been a matter of months, and look at how much they've grown.

oh my poor poor heart. I'm not sure it can take much more of this.

a suddenly super saturday

2011-06-01T15:21:00.009-05:00

saturday was really boring. like, pity party on a holiday weekend bc your husband is working all day and you're stuck at Chuck E. Cheese at a really awkward bday party kind of boring. like, letting the kids have a bag of chips and play in the van because there's nothing else to do boring.

I totally understand the quote about "if you're borED, then you must be borING" or whatever. and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a hole lot of fun.

but all the boredom changed in a second.

Back story: when they announced that Taylor Swift was coming to Omaha many months ago, the radio stations gave out a bunch of free tickets. So we listened like every hour of every day to try win. and we didn't. And then last week, the week she was here, they did it again. So we figured out which stations to listen to at which times and tried once again to win. and failed. Lillian was SUPER bummed because she doesn't understand the fact that thousands of people are doing the same thing we are. So, just because we call, doesn't mean we actually win. And no, we aren't just going to blow tons of money to get tickets for you to see her in person.

long story short: Steve called and said there were $25 tickets for Taylor Swift online and I should buy some and take Lillian. It was almost 7:30. The concert had already started, but T.S. didn't come out til 8:30.

SO, I bought the tickets! It was one of the most spontaneous things I've done ever. That may surprise some of you because you know that PLANS are almost non-existent in my life. But there is a huge difference between go-with-the flow and spontaneous. I'm not very spontaneous, because that leans a little to far toward FUN, and I just admitted that I"m not very fun. :)

ok, so, the second I click purchase, Steve called and said he had two free tickets! ARGH! so, then we had four tickets, but not together. So I rack my brain trying to think of anyone close that would want to go for free! I called my friend Tara but she didn't answer. And then I was like, wow. I don't really think any of my other friends would LOVE to see her as much as us. except Mel. :) So I called my sister Melinda this was our conversation:

MEL, what are you doing RIGHT NOW?

um, well, (hum and haw)

GET IN YOUR CAR! RIGHT NOW! wanna see Taylor Swift?

WHAT? YES! wait, what the heck? how? seriously?

YES! START DRIVING RIGHT NOW! (she lives an hour away)

um...ok? what? this is awesome! are you serious?

YES! I have to go. Hurry up! she's on in an hour! I'll meet you there! I'll call you later to talk about parking! Gotta go! OH! and find a friend to come with you, but leave NOW!

ok, so I was kinda freaking out. But I was also trying to make it a surprise for Lillian, so being really secretive and hurrying like crazy. Plus, I had to stop at FedEx and pick up the tickets.

So when i finally find shoes for all the kids and convince them that I'm not crazy for taking them downtown when it's almost bedtime, we head out to get the tickets.

{note to the FedEx people: I (don't really) apologize for letting my kids run around like crazy people all over your store. I was trying to make a point that you should not help the crabby old single man at the other end of the store having issues with his photographs before you take 5 seconds to grab the package of a lady in a hurry with 3 children in tow. it just makes sense to help me first. next time I buy concert tickets when the concert has already started, I hope you'll have the sense to help me first.}

while we're in the van I call Mel back and talk a few details about parking (yay for being the Hilton's parking manager's wife!) and meniton something about the Qwest Center. Lillian had been trying to guess where we were going earlier (wicked??? to visit Steph and Nic's baby??? and a few other really cute guesses) but when she heard me say Qwest Center she FFFFFRRRRRRREEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKEEEEEEDDDDD.

and being the sweetie that she is, she refused to say it out loud because Brielle would be sad about not going. (oh, forgot to mention that none of Mel's friends could come, so Josiah got to go with his auntie, and Brielle got a daddy date.) So Lillian is going totally crazy, and thankfully restrained a bit by her seatbelt, or I don't know WHAT would have happened! It was so fun to witness that, even if it was mostly from my rearview mirror. :)

ok, so we finally got there and parked and RAN across the street and got there right in the middle of her first song. By the time we got to our seats she was ready to start her second song, and it was pretty incredible to watch Lillian sit there with a perma-smile on her face, taking it all in. I was trying to explain to her how many people would be there, but there's no way to describe walking into an arena full of screaming fans. it was so fun.

because it was all so last minute, I didn't have time to look for my camera, because of course I didn't know where it was. (I'm a loser-of-all-things-important.) So I don't have any picutres from MY camera, but thanks to Google images, here are a few shots of this concert:

ok, this part was awesome. that glitter stuff made it all the way to us, and Lillian spent the whole song collecting them and shoving them in my pocket so we could save them.

and there she is in all her sparkly dress glory (one of about a million sparkly dresses). her arm didn't look that hairy from our seats though. :) but we could tell she had something written on it.

a
this last one was so fun. She got in her little balcony and flew over the whole audience. She was directly above us at one point, which was cool, but probably not as cool as seeing her face to face. I felt like I could have touched the bottom of her balcony if I jumped high enough. very cool.

and another great thing? she wasn't off key, ever, not even once during the whole show. And usually I find myself cringing just a bit when she sings live. she must be getting better at that part. :) and no, she wasn't lip syncing.

so anyway, Lillian and I had a great time, and Josiah and Mel had a great time too. It was VERY late by the time we got home, but definitely worth the 50 bucks for all those tickets, not to mention the memories.

maybe I should try that spontaneous thing a bit more often... :)

silent night...literally

2011-05-18T10:08:00.003-05:00

you know the scene: the mom sitting in the rocking chair at bedtime with the kids all cute in their jammies and breath all minty and clean. Rocking and reading and saying prayers and loving each other. I love that scene. always have.

BUT I CAN'T DO IT!

I've tried. And some days I actually do it and love it. It's like my dream of what I thought being a mother would be like coming true.

But in all honesty, most days, when we hit 8:00 it's like I'm Princess Fiona, and an ogre transformation occurs. The goal is bed, and anything that delays me in reaching the goal is frowned upon. or snapped at. or just given the look. It's horrible really. Ok, but actually I TRY to stay really calm. And mostly I do. But it only lasts so long, and then it's even WORSE because "I tried really hard to stay calm but you keep disobeying so {freak out}."

But lately I've been really overwhelmed. kids, the pinkadink, class reunion, on top of keeping the house managed and the family fed. Funny how even things you LOVE (kids, the pinkadink, etc) can be really super stressful when experienced in abundance. :)

Ok, so last night, I was about in tears. Steve popped in after work for some quick supper, and then he took off for his improv show. And there I was with a MAJOR mess of a house, lack of essential groceries, orders that needed to get mailed out, and three CRAZY kids! (the weather was super nice, and instead of just burning all their energy at the park, they somehow took more energy home!) PLUS, it was already 7:30, and you know what happens at 8...

so we head off to the grocery store which has a post office in it. yay for killing two birds with one stone. But of course by the time I find everyone's lost shoes and get them buckled in the van, we're getting nearer and nearer to 8:00. So I tell them we're just going to sit quietly and listen to music. and it mostly worked! Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol has never sounded so wonderful.

So we get to HyVee. I tell them they can ride in a car cart (best things EVER, even though they're monstrous) if they promise to not be loud and crazy. and it mostly worked again! But of course our car cart had a bum tire, so by the time we pay for the post office packages and get all the way to the back corner for milk, we've had a few episodes of getting "stuck" on nothing, and it's surely past 8:00. But I kept my cool for the most part.

We get our other essentials (cereal, spinach, and grapefruit) and pay. I barely made eye contact with the checker and I think she noticed. I didn't want to be fake and cheery, so I just went about my business because I needed my kids in bed. really bad.

We get back in the van, Brielle got hurt or something, and lots of loudness. loud crying, Josiah and Lillian trying to talk over the crying. just BAD. really BAD for post-8:00. and I feel it growing in me. you know what "it" is I'm sure. and if you don't, then, you're really awesome, but you probably already know that.

So as we drive the next few blocks, "it" is getting bigger and bigger and closer and closer to my mouth. I'm fighting the crying toddler, the big boy who's dying to listen to Jar of Hearts and really really making sure I know he wants it, and not understanding the fact that it's NOT ON THIS CD!!!!!

and suddenly I get a "brilliant idea." (Lillian's been telling me lately that lots of my ideas are "brilliant.") sometimes, at bedtime, when I just can't answer anymore questions or get anymore drinks, I turn "blind" and for some reason when I can't see they stop talking. it's crazy. so instead of getting mad, I go blind. it's really fun. I have to find their faces and kiss and hug them and find my way to the next bedroom all without opening my eyes.

well, this time I couldn't really go blind because I was still driving. So I decided we should all go mute! so as soon as we crossed Blondo, we weren't allowed to talk any more. not just no talking, no noise. it would be "so fun."

and they did it! I'm the only one who said anything. ("oh crap! that salesman is going right to our house! we have to go around the circle and wait til he's gone before we pull in the driveway!") oh, and probably a "mom! you cheated!" or something of the sort followed. but besides that, it was silent.

Lillian wrote a few things down, but mostly we just used our eyes and our hands to talk to each other and they thought it was awesome. And I kinda did too! I was having fun-ish after 8! and even if they were in bed by 9 instead of 8, we had milk in the fridge, packages mailed, and a semi-calm mother.

so anyway, while we were far from thinking about the virgin Mary, ready to birth the Son of God, we certainly enjoyed our silent night.

all i want for chrithmath...

2011-05-05T20:34:00.007-05:00

seriously, we sing that song a million times every day. and we watch Melissa Lynn sing a lovely rendition of it a million times every day too. it makes for lots of singing about two front teeth in a day. But at least Melissa Lynn (or her parents anyway) get the point of the song, which is more than I can say for some other versions of it on youtube where the kids don't even mispronounce the words, which is the whole point of the song.

anyway...

this is why we've been singing about missing front teeth.

this is what Lillian looked like on Easter.

this is what Lillian looked like a few days after that.

oh wait...wrong picture. oh, and I guess Mater has two teeth, but you get the point. hillbilly.

see?

ah, that cracks me up.

ok, so this is what she really looked like when I wasn't telling her to give me her hillbilly face.

and this is what she looked like a few days after THAT.

My little girl went from 2 to 0 front teeth in a matter of like two days. I realize that it's probably normal, but it's my frist time, and I'm really really sad about it. I mean, she looks adorable with no teeth, and I love watching her talk. :) But I know that pretty soon her big huge teeth are going to come in because she's half Smits and most of us have big huge teeth. And when it happens she's going to look so old. But to me she's still my baby. So i know I won't be able to help but wonder why my baby has huge teeth.

Everyone with older kids is probably reading this and saying "oh, I remember that..." just like I now do with stories of pregnancies. But when you're living it, it's so strong. It's so emotional. call me crazy, go a head. it's just teeth. BUT IT'S NOT. it's childhood. and it's flying by.

easter 2011

2011-05-04T22:16:00.005-05:00

Easter seems like it flew by this year.

Admittedly, I didn't really do a whole lot during lent to prepare myself for "semana santa," which it will forever be called in my heart. :) And maybe that's part of it. When I was in Spain, semana santa was such a huge deal that there's no way it could "fly by" without you even it. Everyone was talking about it and preparing for it for weeks or months.

But here, I noticed the Easter candy out, and I knew I couldn't contact my friend Jenny by facebook til after Easter, and I saw ashes on a few heads at the gym on ash wednesday, and I was busy getting pinkadink orders ready and shipped out in time and making sure that my own kids' clothes were done in time. That about sums up my realization that Easter was even coming.

pretty disgusting when I think about it now.

so anyway, Good Friday comes along, and I realized that I hadn't even talked to my kids AT ALL about the significance of the week, or Maunday Thrusday, or Good Friday, or any of it. Not that they were clueless about the death and resurrection of Jesus, but they didn't realize that's what we were celebrating that weekend.

So on Friday morning I say to Lillian, "honey, do you know what today is?" and like a good public school girl she says, "EARTH DAY!" and I was like, what? beats me! turns out it really was!

But I took a little time to tell her about Good Friday and how it seems weird to "celebrate" it, but how since we knew what was happening on Sunday, it really was a celebration of God's love for us. And I wanted her to be able to talk to her friends about it if she wanted. So I made her sandwich in the shape of a cross, hoping that someone at the lunch table would make a comment and she could share. (I LOVE having her in the public school system by the way. Recent conversations have made me realize it more and more, but that's for another blog post...) So I'm packing her lunch and she goes, "MOM! I"m going to get strawberry milk at school today!" I make her choose white milk every day except Fridays, and then she gets to choose white, chocolate, or strawberry. "Strawberry milk is PINK! and it will remind me of Jesus' blood! Like when he said, 'This is my blood, poured out for you.' Then I can think about Jesus' blood all day!" and I thought it was the sweetest thing in the whole world.

But that's not where it ended. She then decided to make her whole outfit pink (a la her pinkalicious costume from halloween) so that she would never forget about Jesus dying on the cross. She looked herself up and down before she left for school and said, "woah. that is a LOT of blood..."

I love that girl.

So anyway, she went to school with Jesus' blood all over herself, and sure enough, she told her friends. And she even asked one friend if she knew Jesus. ("Mom...isn't it weird? Aashi knew about baby Jesus from a book but she doesn't even KNOW him! Isn't that weird that she had a book about him but she doesn't even KNOW him???")

Sometimes it puts me to shame that she's a better witness than me.

Okay, so after school on Friday turned into CRAZY TIME. My two sister's and one friend and Hazel and Griffin were in Omaha to drop the friend off and go shopping for shirts for the boys to wear with thier ties. So after Maddie left, they took one mall, I took the other (with my 3 kids in tow) and after hitting up like EVERY FREAKING STORE, plus meeting the Easter bunny, and then running away from the easter bunny, and then crying about the easter bunny, and needing to know where the Easter bunny was at ALL times, we found a shirt for Griffin, and Maria had found one for Josiah. PPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW...

well, then we had to go to target for some reason. OH. It was to look for little shrugs like I do EVERY SINGLE YEAR. seriously. why oh why doesn't someone just make a little cute whiteish shrug to wear over an easter dress. We need one every year, and every year we don't have one. So this year Brielle wore her 18 month one, and Lillian wore Brielle's 3T brown sweater. ridiculous I tell you, but it worked.

ok, so I was going to feed my kids between the mall and target, but since my sisters were trying to get out of town, I just got them burgers to eat in the parking lot of target, and then ran in. Oh, but I forgot to mention that it was NUTS-O in my house right before that. All of us were in the living room (kinda small). So that's me, maria, mel, hazel, griffin, lillian, josiah, and brielle. Trying on shirts and fussing kids and figuring out sweaters and lots of noise and stuff. and I actually forget what happened at Target but I don't think it was very fun because by the time we made it home I thought I was going to curl up in a ball and die.

So Steve gets home, and I hear the angels singing. I was so frazzled by that point that he just took over and did bedtime by himself. I remember sitting at the computer stomp-typing (if you know what I mean) whatever I was writing because I was so worked up about something. the whole day. all of it. I was just DONE being a parent. I told him that I wish I wanted to read the Bible story with them, but I just couldn't. I was freakin.

and then I don't know what.

something happened.

I just got really super calm.

It was STRANGE. I call it the Holy Spirit. And he was like "nobody's gonna rain on my parade!!!" And I realized that it didn't matter how I felt, I had to talk to the kids. we had to read the story and talk about Jesus dying for us. for ME. for my SIN.

So I got our "very best children's storybook bible EVER" (the Jesus Storybook Bible) and we sat on the floor to read it. I was unsure if I was going to make it through, so I warned the kids that mommy might cry. and then we started reading. and sure enough, I cracked. I was BAWLING on the inside but only letting a little bit out so I could keep reading and not totally freak my kids out. and I couldn't stop. thinking about my sin. and my PERFECT display of it throughout the day. and his LOVE. and then my favorite line:

it wasn't the nails that held him there. it was love.

and all those "owies" on Jesus were for ME. Unfortunately, my kids probably didn't even pay much attention to the story because all they could think about was their mother falling apart before their eyes. But I can only hope that some day their own sin will bring them to tears like mine did. and they'll know how much they really truly need Jesus.

okay, phew. I can barely make it through this post. are you still with me??? :)

okay, so then on Easter we woke up and read the resurrection story first thing in the morning, and spent a little time mimicking their cousin and dancing around and yelling "Jesus is alive! Jesus is alive!"

And then came the rush to get ready for church. why is it always a rush? no matter how much time we have... There were some great songs during worship, and in my head this song played over and over all day:

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again

And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

But I don't know if I did a good enough job of really talking to my kids about what happened. about what it means. about their questions. We read the story. We went to church. We sand the songs. But then the day was whisked away! It was like God put the song in my head a million times throughout the day so I could REMEMBER what it was really about. and I still just unintentionally ignored it.

So often we get caught up in the Easter Bunny and all the candy and fun. and pictures. for me it's the stinkin pictures. :) but see? they look so cute!

I don't want it to be about that for my family. I mean, of course I want cute pictures, because melt.my.heart. But I don't want it to be all about the pictures.

I want it to be about the victory over death. And hopefully next year I'll do a better job of making sure we know what it's really about. That the time away from home won't be so rushed and hectic. That we take the time to sit and talk about death. and about conquering death. and about love.

because it's all about the love. and if you don't know about the love, ask me. email me (don't call me though because my kids are loud and phone calls just never go so well.) so we can find a time to get together and you can hear my slightly pathetic attempt at evangelism. But God will use it anyway, because that's what He does. He uses sinners. and he loves them. and he loves me.

no one mourns the wicked...

2011-05-03T13:21:00.004-05:00

I can't do another blog post without some sort of reaction first to the death of Osama bin Laden. The only problem is that I don't exactly know how to react.

I'll admit that when I first heard the news, my heart leaped a little, and I felt some sort of...justice I guess for the people most affected by 9-11. And I also felt ENORMOUS pride toward our military, not just the guys who are on "team 6," but all of them.

but then I saw the chanting and the screaming and the REJOICING that was happening all over our country. and it did NOT sit right with me. I saw the facebook posts about American "pride" which actually seemed more like arrogance to me.

Maybe it's because we lived in Spain for a bit that I can look "from the outside" and see what other people see. I wish it was unity that was portrayed. I wish it was pride. But to me it was arrogance. and sin. And I can just imagine other countries looking at us saying "here they go again" or something of the sort. I don't know...

I think our military deserves a lot of credit for the many years they've put in to fight terrorism, apart from their families, in horrible conditions. They will always be heroes in my book.

But I'm not so sure this is a time for celebration.

maybe we SHOULD be mourning the death of the wicked. It's one more man to spend eternity apart from his creator. and let's not forget that he didn't act alone. and quite honestly, I'm more concerned about my safety now than before he was dead, knowing that terrorists around the world watched our reaction to his death. They probably want nothing more than to give us another reason to weep instead of cheer.

Proverbs 24:17
Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice.

so there it is. I definitely celebrate the idea that "good will conquer evil" and that this man is no longer able to {directly} ruin the lives of so many people. But celebrate his death I will not.

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

spring break!

2011-04-25T11:38:00.014-05:00

Last month Lillian had spring break, and we went on a little vacation to Wisconsin. Originally the plan was for me and the kids to go with Steve's mom, but by the time the trip came around Steve and his dad were able to join us!

Of course I barely have any pictures, which makes me really sad. I have no idea why I can't just remember just take pictures of life. Busy living it I guess. :) but we did grab a few pictures that I'll post here for you all to see.

We started the trip with a few hours of sleep in OC. Tom (Steve's dad) came up on Friday to take the kids to OC so that I could pack up and finish a huge pinkadink order that had to be delivered in Sioux Center that next week. So I had a chunk of the day to myself to work, and then Steve got home at about supper time. It was still midnight before we were heading out though. Crazy how that happens.

So we slept a bit in OC and then in the morning took off for Wisconsin in "timmy," the Hydeen's full size van.

Every time I've driven to Racine with them we have stopped at LaCrosse at the lock and dam, or whatever it's called. So of course we stopped again, and let the kids get out for a bit to blow bubbles and stretch their legs.

We had to get a family picture before we left. Steve and I were reminiscing about the last time we had taken a photo there. It was after my junior year of high school when i went on vacation with his family and we stopped. After the picnic lunch, we took a few photos. here's the one of me and Steve then:

and here we are now:

and it feels like just yesterday that we were tan and skinny and childless. I wouldn't trade NOW for anything, but it's sure fun to let yourself think back on life when it was so easy, huh? I'm just so thankful for God's provision over us and his plan that we're still figuring out. These four people in the picture with me mean the WORLD to me, and I get to be with them every day. I'm just so darn blessed.

The kids were GREAT in the van. We drove like ten hours I think, or maybe 8? anyway, they RARELY fussed or asked when we'd get there. They respected each other's space for the most part, and I was just so proud of them for being such great travelers. And get this: when it was time for "quiet time" in the van, all I did was count down from 10 and then they had to be quiet. and it worked! They just stopped talking! It's so much more fun to do stuff together when we all work together. It was a great drive up there. and of courses we killed some of the time just taking pictures of each other. :)

After we got there, we got to have pizza with some family, since Steve's grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, live there. Sunday we went to church and had a big lunch at Old Country Buffet afterward, because Grandma Shirley insists on spending all her money on everyone else. :)

Then, after church we got to head up to Milwaukee, just the five of us. We stayed at the Hilton there, which had a great big water park area for the kids to play in. Now, I'm not a huge fan of water if I'm being honest. It has something to do with the fact that when i was younger and living in CA, a little baby (18 mos) drowned in our family's backyard pool. And I also went to Christine Camping's birthday party at Raging Waters, and thought I was gonna die one time when I lost my tube and got to the little area between slides and had to keep bobbing up and down while all these big huge people on tubes were crashing into me and you get the point. So anyway, I'm not a huge water fan. But I thought with our super cautious kids and two grown ups to watch them, we'd be ok.

Lillian loved it all. She was off and down the slide in no time, but the other two took a while to warm up to the water, and the splashing, and the other people. At one point Lillian took off to go down a slide, while Steve followed Josiah up to the top for the millionth time before he chickened out. :) and while holding Brielle in the waist high water, I looked over and saw Lillian bobbing up and down just like I had to do at RW when I was little. EXCEPT there was a lifeguard right in the area who was watching her and not helping her at all. It must be because I'm her mom that I saw the TOTAL FEAR in her eyes that the lifeguard must not have noticed. Lillian was the only one in the whole area, and she had no idea that it was deeper than the bottom of the other slide. And her dumb parents didn't think to tell her because CAUTIOUS is one word that we thought described her perfectly. We didn't even think that she'd try a different slide without telling or asking us. But turns out she's getting older and braver, and just had no idea that it was deeper. Thank goodness she's tall. poor girl. She was being so brave and by the time I got to her she could touch a little better. So I acted all surprised and said, "WOW honey! you did that big slide all by yourself? are you ok? You were so brave! was it a little scary?" and that's when she lost it. Bawling in my arms about how scared it was. :( I felt like a horrible parent. :(

anyway, she got over that fear and eventually went down the same slide again but with daddy at the bottom to catch her.

Josiah wanted NOTHING to do with the water slides. We told him over and over that he'd love it if he just tried it, but he wouldn't do it until FINALLY he agreed to go with me. So we went down and sure enough, that was all it took for him to go alone and love it. over and over and over. :)

Brielle wasn't a big fan even by the end. She mostly just wanted to be right by mommy and try to go potty in the bathroom like ten times. She finally found a fountain thing that she loved, and played in that for a bit. I think her favorite part was supper at the canteen. :)

I think the very best part of the night for me was after all the swimming and eating and such, we went back up to our room, got in our pjs, and watched the new version of Les Miserables on public telelvision. Unfortunately we didn't get to see the whole thing, but there was something about sitting there with our kids, having them enjoy something we've loved together for 13 and a half years just as much as we do, singing the songs, asking questions, all of it. It was so great. so "us."

In the morning we headed back for a bit more time with family. It was really fun to just do the "racine things" like go to the lake, play the player piano, and hang out together.

We left on Tuesday just in time to make it to LaCrosse again by suppertime. We were able to grab some pizza and eat at our friends' house! We knew the Rismas from church in Omaha, and I took care of Nolan every day for about a whole school year. We loved that sweet little boy so much, but schooling took them to LaCrosse for now, and Iowa City in the future. We sure miss him around here, but we were so glad to be able to see that sweetie again. :)

Eventually we made it home to Omaha (on Wed night). And the best part of coming home? Steve still had a few days off so we buckled down and got a bunch of stuff done, like organizing and redoing the backsplash and lots of other fun and productive stuff.

It's been a hard few months for our family with Steve's new job. We don't see each other all that much, and quite frankly, I just missed our family. our family together.

This week of vacation and just TIME together was so special. but of course, now we just really can't wait til the next one!

not invited... :(

2011-04-10T22:16:00.003-05:00

it happened. I knew it would some day. and it did. on Friday.

I was putting the girls to bed and Lillian was pretty whiny and very tired and overwhelmed (we had some friends over). But in ONE moment her tears went from whiny and tired to S.A.D. like, really sad. So I asked her what in the world happened and she said the words I'm sure I'll hear a million more times in my life, and I'm sure it'll never get easier.

"it's Aashi. She's having a birthday party and Madison, Roxi, Fatima, and Erica all get to go and I don't. and I don't understand why she wouldn't invite me! we're like, almost best friends!"

and I try to blame it on the mom who did the same thing I do and only allowed her to pick FOUR friends. it's the mom's fault, honey.

but of course it's not. the girl still chose four other girls and not Lillian. and my poor sweet girl doesn't know why.

but this is what i LOVE about that girl...

She suddenly got a BRILLIANT idea, and told me that she could use her allowance to buy Aashi a present! (allowance is a new thing here, so that's why she thought it was so great. she's never had her own money before.) All the hurt, and she still wants Aashi to have a present from her (and NOT a pinkadink present by the way. she hates giving pinkadink presents).

and then, tonight, she prayed that all five girls would have a wonderful time at the part on the 29th. And listed them by name. She really wants them to have a good time even though she won't be there.

I made sure not to make a HUGE deal about her prayer, because I never want my kids to think there are "good prayers" and "bad prayers." but I will be sure to tell her how proud I am of her tomorrow. because it can't be EASY, even if it's natural.

heart of gold, I tell ya. Heart of gold.

favorite project EVER

2011-03-31T22:32:00.007-05:00

I've done a lot of little "creative" projects that I love. But this one is my favorite. I don't know how black lines can look JUST like my children. I feel like I somehow captured them, frozen in time. But not like a picture. It's like something better than a picture. is there such thing? before today I'm not sure I thought so.

but after this...

How can I possibly see this child's INNER beauty just by looking at her silhouette? You can SEE her sweetness. I can anyway. Maybe it's because I'm her mom. but still... I can see it.

And look at this little man. Doesn't he have awesome hair for a silhouette? I feel like he's just going to come to life and smile that brown tooth/chipped tooth smile. and run to my ear and whisper "I love you" because that's what he does. and I can see that in his silhouette. It's just crazy.

and you might hate the big bow on Brielle, but I love it. it's her. it's what she looks like every day. and with that new big girl hair cut that you can see by her chin? gosh, she looks so big. but somehow I captured this BABY girl perfectly by cutting black paper. and the fact that she's not smiling is perfect. it's Brielle. :)

so anyway, I probably see things you DON'T see, but I had to share anyway. and if you want to make them of your kids (it only cost me 18 bucks total) you can follow this tutorial like I did.

now that I'm a "regular"

2011-03-12T13:46:00.004-06:00

When I first joined the gym, I didn't feel like I belonged there. I felt really self conscious the whole time. I noticed what everyone around me looked like and wore.

Now, I could *almost* care less, but there are a few things that I seem to still take note of, every time.

1. the naked ladies in the locker room after the swimming group class. just can't quite get used to it.
2. the girl who wears the "kiss this" tank top almost every time she works out. so glad my daughter already knows what's "not appropriate."
3. the former Omaha police chief works out there every sunday afternoon. i still think it's cool every time I see him in real life instead of on the news.
4. girls who run with no shirts on. and now I'd like to make a few very immature comments:
a) put a FREAKING SHIRT ON.
b) you probably think you're so "hot" you don't have to wear a shirt, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that you still have jiggly parts in your back when you run, but you probably don't think they're there. that does NOT, however, mean that I want to see them.
c) put a FREAKING SHIRT ON.

and now a quick update on my health since I started working out:

I have weigh ins every month. the first month I lost ZERO pounds and went UP in body fat percentage. sa-weet. the funniest part is that right after Christmas I lost like 5 pounds, really fast. and then apparently I gained them back really fast too. but anyway, losing weight isn't my main goal (even though she put a big -15 POUNDS on the top of my charts). I said I want to feel better, stronger, more in control of my life. and I do. and if I use my imagination, I think I just might look a bit better too. :)

the second month, when my kids were sick a lot and I went in much less frequently, I lost a couple pounds, and lost inches (ok, not WHOLE inches, but still...) in every area that's measured. not sure how I pulled that off by working out less.

my trainer is trying to get me to sign up for more sessions, since I'm about to move from once a week to every other week. My income has dropped significantly in the last couple months (one less daycare family) so it's really easy to say no. but man...they sure try to get ya!

and as far as eating goes, I have been trying overall to just make healthier choices. because I have a bit of cooking anxiety, however, this is a HUGE challenge for me. new things take me FOREVER to make, and nothing really comes naturally for me.

PLUS, I've just never been the kind of girl who is willing to sacrifice a whole lot when it comes to good food. for example, a couple weeks ago, I forget what was going on, but we were out and running errands and I didn't have a plan for supper and it was already late. So, I got the kids burgers from Burger King on the way home. I had to convince and re-convince myself over and over again to not order one for myself. and I won! I drove away without a burger for me. only here's the thing: I was PISSED. really. I guess I really really wanted a burger that night, and I convinced myself that I shouldn't get one. Most often I would say WELL DONE ANDREA, but instead i was like, "this is NOT who I am! I am NOT the girl who is so concerned with my looks (because in that moment it was not about "health" it was about "fat") that I don't let myself get a burger the few times I actually really want one. all in moderation is my motto and I wanted a freaking burger!" So guess what I did? I called my sweet husband who was on his way home from work and told him to get me a burger. and guess what that sweet husband did? held his ground. he was proud of me. punk. so he didnt' get me a burger. he came home and ate something else with me. I don't even remember what it was because all I could think about was that I wasn't eating a burger.

So anyway, I know I've got a long way to go.

I'm signing up for the 5K at Tulip Festival this year. I figure maybe that will help me make sure I don't skip my running after doing my workouts. I ran it a couple years ago with almost not training, so hopefully I'll be okay.

alright. there's my update. aren't you so glad you know all that?

it's like crack.

2011-03-10T16:43:00.006-06:00

I'm addicted to sewing skirts for my girls.

here are the latest: (pardon the background and the bad lighting (SUN!) but we were outside! yay!)

there are a few things I wish I did differently, but I'll do that for Hazel's. :)

you can't really tell, but there's an underskirt under there with the tulle attached. the fact that it's two layers makes me love it more for some reason. oh, and the waistband is a knit foldover one, so it's so comfy too. I'm half tempted to make one for myself. but I have another one I'm going to try for me. stay tuned.

Josiah 150:3 Praise Him with the recorder

2011-03-09T12:51:00.005-06:00

The kids recently rediscovered the recorders they got for Christmas a couple years ago. You know, recorders. The musical instruments.

So Josiah's blowing away on his this morning and I very calmly (not matching my feelings at all) asked him if he could be done blowing that thing now.

and he looked at me with his big sad eyes and said, "but I'm playing a song for GOD! and he LIKES this song!"

---------

Advil really isn't so bad, is it. :)

the boiler room

2011-03-08T17:32:00.006-06:00

On Sunday my good friend offered to watch the kids on Monday so that Steve and I could go on a date. It's weird because we've probably actually gone on more dates in the last few months than we ever have in a "few months" timespan before. But when you need to schedule something in order to get your time together, dates seem to be a good way to make sure he gets his buns home. :)

on Saturday (a few days before) Steve parents took us out to Spaghetti Works. Of course we had to walk a few blocks to get there, but we happened to walk past a restaurant that looked really cool inside called The Boiler Room. I even pointed out the beautiful huge flower painting on the wall to Brielle. We decided that some day we were going on a date there. We just didn't know that it would be a couple days later.

SO, Steve put in a reservation earlier in the day, and let me know that it was a "smart casual" dress code. whatevertheheck that means. so I wore my goodwill outfit (that's SMART and CASUAL, right?).

When we got there they took our coats to hang on the little coat rack. spiffy. and then they sat us as a nice little table, and the waiter was REALLY good. a young, twenty-something, well groomed, very polite young man.

He handed us our menus.

I broke a sweat.

Here's the deal: remember THIS post I wrote way back when? I have a "sensitive" pallet and I'm not used to weird foods. (for the record, I DO get a little grossed out about that blog post since I try to eat a bit better these days. but in my heart of hearts, I do still love a corndog and mac and cheese.)

Ok, and it also happened to be a Monday. I've been wanting to start "meatless Mondays" thanks to some good friends who have been living or trying the vegetarian lifestyle. So my lunch was meatless, and my supper was going to be meatless too. til I saw the menu.

For a few minutes I had a master plan in my head. it went something like this: okay...he hasn't even poured our water yet, so if we get up and leave, it won't be THAT bad. oh, but crap, they have our coats. so we'd have to stop there and get our coats and explain that we didn't check out the menu before we arrived, and we were going to applebees or the cheesecake factory or somewhere plain-old-boring-and-not-rich people eat instead. and yes, it would be REALLY embarrassing, but we'd never see these people again, EVER, so who cares.

But then he came and poured our water. so we were stuck.

so instead I make my husband feel TERRIBLE by repeating over and over, "honey, I just don't know what I'm going to order. What am I going to eat? I don't even know what this stuff is, and I don't know what I"m going to order." I had about 5 options for a main dish. a few fish options (no thanks. i don't even like tuna.), PORK chops (no thanks. I don't do pig very well. not even bacon. especially when right next to the beautiful flower painting I saw through the window is a HHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE painting of a PIG, eyes gouged out, all roasted and ready to eat or something. huge. like, I'm thinking six feet by six feet at least.), or steak. OH, or lamb. And I did actually really like the lamb tapas we got at Espana for my birthday, but i don't know...it seemed to risky. So I settled on steak. I don't think I'd had a steak since our honeymoon when I ordered steak at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Factory. (see? no fish for me.) So I thought, well, even though it's far from meatless, at least I know I'll like the cauliflower and mushrooms that come with it. And at least I know what cauliflower and mushrooms ARE, unlike the rest of the stuff that came with the other food.

and steve decides on the steak too.

so we order, and the guy tells us we should order two different things since it's our first time. So steve actually considers it! I was like, NOPE, I'm not going to share anything with you. I'm eating my steak. And Steve bought in and order PIG. I mean pork chops. He must have turned his head away from the roasted pig mural with every bite or something. I tried ONE bite and, well, I'm not going to talk about that bite. And then I tried another bite that Steve prepared just for me, with not as much pigness, but it still just wasn't good.

but my STEAK, on the other hand, was GREAT. I had a slight panic attack when I was eating the olives (our appetizer that we got to pretend we were back in Spain, which didn't work, by the way) and I realized that I never told the guy I wanted my steak WELL DONE. So Steve says, "well, if it's too red, ask them to put it back on for you." and when it came, it was red. bleeding. mooing. but I decided to be a big girl and eat it anyway. I didn't want to eat THAT much meat on my meatless monday anyway, so I gave steve the middle two slices, and I ate the outer two slices, which were at least brown on the outsides and the bottom, so that was better. And it was actually really really really good. I just had to eat it red side down. but it was REALLY good.

But man, when you pay that much for a plate of food, plus a glass of wine and a cup of coffee for my hubby (because my "12-year-old-pallet" doesn't like alcohol OR coffee either) it really adds up. we NEVER spend that much on a meal. except once, for my birthday, at Espana, which was TOTALLY WORTH EVERY SINGLE PENNY. so anyway, I was kinda freaking out about how much we just paid, even though I knew we'd still be okay for groceries and bills and all that. so we passed on dessert. (ooh, but now that I think about it, we should have just looked at the menu to see what the heck kind of stuff they offered.)

and instead, we came home to our modest little home with our non-sleeping children in their beds, just in time to eat a bowl of cereal for dessert and watch a Castle re-run. because THAT'S how we roll.

**I married a wonderfully sensitive man, so Steve, if you're reading this, please know that I had a wonderful time out with you. I even liked the food. I don't want this post to make you feel guilty for taking me out to a restaurant with really weird food. it was good for me to be a grown up. but next time, I pick Chipotle. :)

sunday school stories

2011-03-03T10:34:00.002-06:00

I got this email from Josiah's sunday school teacher the other day. She's SO GOOD at really paying attention to the everything these kids say just as passing thoughts. As a mom, I don't pay as much attention to that stuff I guess, which makes me really sad, and really thankful for people like Mrs. Temple who listen and share. :)

Hey Andrea,
Theresa Temple here. I forgot to tell you a little funny I heard from a small curly haired boy in Sunday School yesterday. The kids were eating their snack and he said, ever so innocently, "Did you know that if you eat avocado you will grow lots of hair in your armpits?"

I wish I could remember it exactly as he said it because it was so cute. I look forward to Sunday School-those little people make me laugh!

anyway, just a little thing, but I about died laughing when I read that. :)

upcycle/restyle #2

2011-02-26T12:03:00.009-06:00

I had so much fun making my old shirt into a skirt for Miss B that I decided I might give this "upcycle" thing another try.

so, from what I've gathered, upcycling is when you take something you already have and turn it into something else. and re-styling is when you buy something to turn it into something else. is there anyone who's more "upcycle savvy" that can correct me if I'm wrong?

ok, so after a quick trip to Goodwill the other night, i got a bunch of sweaters and shirts to do stuff with. I'm so excited! So I thought I'd document my findings and changes on here so maybe other people will see how fun and easy it is!

as far as "easy" goes, I guess it's relative. I don't consider myself a master seamstress. in fact, when I talk to people who are REAL sewers, I feel really dumb. I don't know all the terms, or what the settings mean, or a lot of the "technical" stuff about sewing. But my mom once told me I'm a "natural," so I guess that's what it means. I have a pretty good idea of how to get the look I want even if I don't totally know what I'm doing. But using a pattern? not a chance. I guess I use a pattern for my pinkadink shoes, but that's as far as it goes. I don't get patterns, and they totally freak me out. I just like to cut and sew. :) so that's what I did.

I didn't take a before picture of the sweater, but I bought a pink women's sweater at goodwill, chopped it up, and sewed it back together, just smaller. :)

and then, a few weeks ago at church, I saw Lillian's friend Hannah had really cute leggings with a little ruffle on the bottom. I thought they were SOOO cute, and took a look at them, and made some for Lillian! So that was my upcycle. I started with these old pants I got for free one time, that were sort of weird and stretched out and I never wore them anymore.

then I put a pair of Lillian's leggings on top to get an idea of the shape, cut around them, and sewed up the sides.

I used a piece of the leftover to make the ruffle.

they were pretty cute, but still needed a waistband, which was NOT going as I planned. SO, then I took some of the extra from the other leg and made a waistband, which is still waiting for elastic, but they look pretty good anyway!

so, there's the final product, the complete outfit for 3.59.
looking at it now, I wish I had made the sleeves smaller. maybe that's a project for next week. gotta catch up on my pinkadink orders tonight since I haven't been able to do much lately with the sick kids.

I have a few more items that I picked up too, so hopefully there will be more posts as I learn a bit more about this fun new hobby! :)

blech blech blech

2011-02-22T17:06:00.007-06:00

that's how we feel around here.

Josiah got a fever in the night last wednesday night, and since then we haven't been able to get rid of it. By the time he was done, Brielle and Lillian picked it up and Brielle has been puking with it too. I know it's nothing major, and there are so many parents who'd love to switch places with me. and my heart breaks for them.

but maaaannnn....I'm about to go crazy here. I've had sick kid body and breath on me for a week straight. And I want to cry. and I want my own space.

so today I decided that I had to do a few fun things for ME. The kids could care less that we've basically been sitting on our butts watching tv and movies all week like a big pile of sick...somethings....not even sure what lays around all day on top of each other. puppies? anyway, thank goodness for netflix. but today I NEEDED something different.

So, after looking at my friend Kelly's facebook pictures of when she took her daughter to a Green Eggs and Ham breakfast, I decided that today we'd have green eggs and ham burritos. so we did. it's something we've never done here. so we did it. And before we ate them, we watched the video on youtube. and somehow it felt like a major change switching from the tv to the computer to watch. wow, that's pathetic.

anyway, so we had to convince Brielle that she'd like them. it was an awful lot like the story actually, because eventually she loved them. :)

and after ALL THAT different-ness, I decided that during naptime I was going to work on a sewing project for me. well, for Brielle, but just not for the pinkadink. It's good for me to do that on occasion. To get my creativity back for ME, and not for the business. And poor Brielle never really gets anything made just for her. She doesn't even have a towel!

So I found a tutorial online on how to make a cute skirt. I got this shirt at the MOPS swap (free stuff!) two years ago, and really loved it. I've been wearing it all this time even though it has a HOLE in the shirt, right in the front. it's small, but still, it's a hole. And in the winter when i wear a black long sleeve shirt underneath, it's really noticeable. But I still felt the need to wear it. I think I need to go shopping. So anyway, I knew I'd be happy one day that I didn't throw it out. And today's the day.

Here's the shirt:

and by following THIS tutorial, I made it into this skirt:
poor, sick, Brielle. She really loves it, even though you can't tell...

(note to Corinne Doughan (if you're reading this): notice the painted paneling in the background, our newest change)

and here's a better view, so you can see the pink stitching, which I happen to think totally makes the skirt:

so, hopefully this is our last day of fevers and feeling blech. but if not, I may need y'all to send me some old shirts.

a much less mushy valentines post

2011-02-17T20:36:00.011-06:00

so, there are a few things I want to remember about this year's valentines day besides how wonderful it was to spend time with my husband.

like this.

Lillian had to bring a valentines box to school. This is the type of mom duty I've been looking forward to for 6 and a half years now. And as much fun as it was for me to make it, I really wanted it to be her project. So I did the structure part of it, and you guessed it! Lillian did the decorating. and it was so cute, because she kept asking my opinion, because I was "much better at this type of thing." :) And it took every ounce of tongue biting possible to not tell her that Christmas bells didn't really go with the theme. We had gone to Hobby Lobby earlier in the night to get 2 pieces of paper and one pack of stickers. That was the limit. So she did a GREAT job getting pretty matchy stuff. I was so proud. But then we found my old scrapbooking stickers and the girl went crazy. It was so fun. And she was so proud.

and this.

This is the valentines garland we made Friday afternoon when Lillian had only half a day of school. We melted crayon pieces between wax paper and then cut them into heart shapes. You're supposed to peel the crayons with a peeler or a pencil sharpener, but I decided to be efficient and use my Pampered Chef chopper. And it was efficient. but I'll let you know how our chopped food tastes with little crayon bits in it until it some day (if ever) completely comes off the chopper. Here are a few pictures of the process.

and, this. holiday treats are a must. :)

hope you all had a sweet valentines day. :)

valentines day

2011-02-14T13:15:00.002-06:00

Last night I went on a date with Steve.

For those of you who don't know, it's been a rough many weeks in our house. Steve started his new job, which we are very thankful for, but it's kind of a "you can NOT mess this up" type of job. So that means we haven't seen him much since January 10. And when I say we haven't seen him much, I really mean I FEEL his hairy legs making my skin itch beside me in bed on occasion. A day that we actually SEE him at all is extra special. It's been getting a TINY bit better, but it just really sucks.

I fully recognize that I'm kind of a needy person. Well, actually, it seems only half of me is needy. Like I have two people in me. There's one me who is very much "I can do it myself and don't need a guy to build stuff, fix stuff, etc." But the other part of me really really really needs to be with my husband. I guess that would make me emotionally needy. Hopefully not in a codependent way, but I'm afraid it's awfully close.

So anyway, it's been a hard month or so. Lots of emotion by the kids, a bit more bed wetting than usual, me doing new duties like scooping the driveway (which I "don't need a guy for" but WOW was it handy to have a big strong husband to do it). I've handled his absence rather well, for an emotionally needy person, if I do say so myself. But I just miss him.

BUT THEN...this week we got to have supper together for the fist time in about 5 weeks. It was so great. We went to Pizza Hut so Lillian could use her book-it certificate. We'd been to this Pizza Hut before, and knew that it was basically a CRAP HOLE disguised as a Pizza Hut. But we didn't care. I think it's mostly just a take out one, so like, they don't have any plates (oh, actually they did this time. paper ones.) and they just hand you your boxes and you eat at dirty tables while your coat and clothes soak up the really old broaster oil smell or something. But we totally didn't care. I wasn't cooking, and we were together. It was splendid.

And then we were supposed to leave on Friday night to head up to OC, but since Steve's car (which is not actually his car because his car broke) had a flat tire and he was unable to get a new tire because he works all the time during open business hours, he was using the van. Well, the only way for us to get to OC was the van, so he had to come home from work on Friday night so we could take the van. Well, then once I got him home on a friday night I sure as heck didn't want to leave, so we just hung out for a couple hours before totally ZONKING out on the couch like two people who are ridiculously tired do. And then I left with the kids in the morning.

and THEN...on Sunday night he picked up a babysitter on his way home from work and we went out on a date. a real date! We ate at Chipotle, went to see The King's Speech, and then picked up a few groceries on the way home. It sounds so wonderfully boring as I write it, but I was just really really craving some time with my dear husband. I feel so lucky that I still get the SAME feelings that I got when I was 16 when I spend time with this man. I totally have a crush on my husband. :)

YES, the movie was great. Everyone is asking. But heck, we could have been watching Clash of the Titans for all I cared. (ok, that's probably not totally true. I would have cared.) But it was so good to get away from the kids and the house with a million things we should be working on and just BE together, it was just a bonus that the movie was great. I just couldn't get enough of seeing him awake...and smelling him...and begging him to scratch me. (I'm having some major skin issues if you haven't gathered. but that's for another post.)

We don't normally go all out for Valentine's Day. I'm a "refuse to buy (read: pay for) a Hallmark card" kind of girl, so I make some dorky little homemade card for Steve every year. And if we do presents, it's usually kind of a 'hm...what is something we both really want that we can justify by calling it our Vday present to each other' type of thing. :)

But this year, all I wanted was time with him. and I got it.

It wasn't even the REAL valentines day, but it sure felt like the day of love. :)

snow day

2011-01-11T09:35:00.005-06:00

Snow days for me are a bit different for me than most other stay at home moms. Am I even allowed to call myself that anymore since I have daycare kids? anyway, when there's a snow day here, it means the baby stays home with her mommy, but the big girls are here. which makes for a CRAZY day.

So by the time we got to the afternoon yesterday, we were itchin to get outside. The daycare kids didnt' bring thier snow "gear" so we had to improvise with triple layered socks for mittens, old tennis shoes for Laya's boots, slicky pants tucked into socks, mismatched gloves, and rain boots with washcloths for stuffing for Kaylee's boots.

I'm guessing it took about 40 minutes to get all six kids bundled up and ready to go.

When we were finally outside, I grabbed my camera and grabbed a few shots. And right about that time, Jayden starts SCREAMING that he has to go potty. So I very sternly but calmly say "you may NOT go potty in your pants. you may NOT. DO NOT go pee yet. Please wait. Jayden, do NOT go potty yet." meanwhile he's freakin out that he's gonna pee. He can't see anything anyway because of his coat being in the way, so we plow through the piles of laundry on the laundry room floor til we reach the random toilet along the back wall. I've always hated that toilet. except for today. :)

anyway, I"m not sure how the pee made it into the toilet and not the pants, because he was GOING when I pulled all the layers down. but we honestly managed to miss the clothes and the floor. MIRACLE.

except...then...I hike his layers of pants back up and he lost his balance, and landed with his right hand right in the toilet water. So then I had to go get Laya from outside, since I didn't want the big girls "in charge" of her for more than like one minute. So she throws a fit to come inside, but Jayden needed a new glove, and who knows how long that might take.

so finally we all get back outside, head to the back of the house, and play for about 8-10 more minutes before most of them were ready to come in for hot cocoa.

so back we go, into the warmth, which is where they all start to cry. They got a little whiny outside, but inside, it was full blown crying from the cold. part of the thawing process I guess.

So after who-knows-how-many minutes of getting everyone UNDRESSED and dried off, I sat down and thought to myself "wow....that was a lot of work." but at least it got us further into the afternoon, huh?

And here are the results (my fave of each of my kids) of our 10 minutes of play. (Lillian actually stayed out FOREVER with the neighbor kids, and Josiah stayed out quite long too. But the daycare kids and Brielle had had enough.) for more pictures, check out my fb account. :)

my rough-and-tumble four year old

2011-01-11T08:14:00.003-06:00

This is what Josiah looked like yesterday:

He's happy here, but wasn't so much when he got that big old thing on his head. I guess he was swinging his legs while balancing on his hands on the bar stool. I remember doing the same type of things when I was little. But for Josiah it ended by the stool tipping, him falling backwards, and the cross bar thing of the stool landing right between his eyes and scraping off the skin.

Once we got the bleeding and crying under control, I couldn't help but laugh to Steve. This just adds the perfect touch to his one chipped front tooth and his other brown front tooth (which doesn't look nearly as brown in the picture...yay!).

I guess he just looks like a boy with his battle wounds. :)

(and this picture was before he sliced his finger open on my rotary cutter later in the day. So he also had a wad of tissue wrapped in a bandaid for most of the evening.)

my six-year-old-sweetie

2011-01-09T21:35:00.002-06:00

Lillian has a tender little heart.

she gets that from me. :)

I've started making little baby shoes for the pinkadink as one of my new products for year 3. They're stinkin cute. and stinkin tricky to make. There's lots of layers, and I'm constantly flipping them inside out and right side out and back inside out etc. So one day last week I started a pair while the kids were napping. And since I"m not very fast at them yet, they weren't done by the end of naptime.

So when the big girls got back from school, I told Lillian what I was doing. She's like her auntie Mel and LOVES anything miniature. :) So I show her this baby shoe, but it was like, all cut up and inside out and didn't really look like a shoe to her little brain. Or Kaylee's either. So Kaylee started laughing! really hard!

And my sweet girl says, "KAYLEE!!! Mom! Kaylee's laughing!" And I say, "well, honey, I realize it does actually look a little weird right now, doesn't it? I think it's kind of funny too."

so she started laughing too, and they ran off to play.

But as they leave I hear this conversation:

"What? You tattled on me for laughing and now you're laughing? That doesn't even make SENSE!"

(insert really motherly, halfway whiney voice: "Well, Kaylee, I didn't know my mom thought it was funny. She was working really hard on that and I didn't want to hurt her feelings if she thought it looked nice! It's not okay to laugh at someone until you see that they think it's funny too! I just didn't want to hurt her feelings!"

I about cried on the spot. so sweet.

And then, yesterday, she 'bout made me cry again.

She had a really great report card. I know she's only in kindergarten, but I think it all starts there, if not before. Her report card was almost completely Os, which is the highest, and stands for outstanding. And having been a teacher, I know that we don't just toss out Os when Ss are really great too. So I was really proud of all her Os, and just the fact that she TRIES really hard. She's lucky that it all comes easy to her, but sometimes that makes kids not even try that hard. So I was proud.

And to celebrate, we were going to go to Arby's and get $1 Jamocha shakes. I had made perougies (sp?) for supper that night, and they weren't a huge hit. Why anyone wouldn't like carbs wrapped in carbs is beyond me. I loved them. But the kids didn't. Lillian choked hers down but the other kids would not. Not even for a shake. So we gave PLENTY of warnings that not eating thier supper meant no shake, even though they DID eat their veggies.

But by the time we got to Arby's Lillian was in TEARS about the fact that her brother and sister couldn't have one. She doesn't really get the whole "teaching a lesson" thing, and she was just DEVASTATED. I betcha she begged us for like 5 minutes straight, coming up will all sorts of ideas for giving them a second chance. We stood firm and said no...every sweet little teary time. It made us really sad too, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I love that she's so sensitive. so empathetic. so sweet.

the year of the gym and Andrea Hydeen

2011-01-07T22:13:00.004-06:00

hello? is this thing on? is anyone still out there? does anyone 'get' the title of the post? bonus points if you do. anyway...

I'll admit that when I read other people's blogs and they say "oh man! sorry I haven't blogged in ages! I've been so busy" I think to myself, 'hm....didn't really notice.' Because that's how life is. We are all quite consumed in our own lives. I realize that probably nobody has noticed my lack of blogging in the last few months, but I have. It's always the first to go when things get crazy, as it should be I guess. But I'm the one who misses it. I miss being in the state of mind where I want to remember things to blog about because otherwise they all pass me by. And suddenly I'm wondering how my kids got so big, and how exactly they've changed so much, and no record really of the fact that my life is flying by.

So now that things have calmed down a LITTLE bit, I want to try write more. And I have the perfect situation to start me out.

ok, well, for starters, remember last year when I wrote about being "fit again in 2010?" Well, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I just really really SUCK at trying to work out at my house, or in my neighborhood, or whatever. That little motto was a COMPLETE FAILURE.

This year I'll turn 30, and I just didn't quite think I'd look like this or feel like this already. So Steve and I took the plunge and got a gym membership. along with all the other people who want to set new years resolutions. it's been CRAZY there.

so anyway, we got in on the very last day of the special, so we had no enrollment fee and saved 90 bucks for each of us. we were pretty pumped about that. And when you join Urban Active, they give you a "consultation" or whatever where they give you these dumb papers to fill out about your habits and your goals and what not. I hate goals. always have. So instead of just giving me a HUGE pat on the back for showing up that night (which was pretty major for a self-proclaimed lazy butt), they decide to make me feel like crap about myself and my body fat content which puts me at "some health risk." thanks. I already knew it was time to do something, which is why I'm HERE.

ok, so then...he gives us this KILLER workout. I did alright actually until he had us do some crazy frog jumping type of move and Steve and I both thought we were going to die. Steve actually thought he was going to puke for real (and I thought he was too. I kept saying, "okay, babe, do you have a plan? you need to have a plan if you're going to puke. do you know where the closest garbage can is? because every time I think I"m going to puke I have to know where the garbage cans are.") He seemed quite uninterested in my concern for having a plan, but thankfully he didn't puke. But boy did we feel ridiculous trying to jump and feeling like we were stapled to the floor. it was S.A.D.

so when we're all hot and about to die, he sits us down to talk about options for trainers. I was totally unprepared for this conversation and he starts talking about spending hundreds of extra dollars a month to meet with a trainer every time we come. I'm going nuts because it's like, 7:57 and our kids are in childcare (which we got for free for ONE NIGHT ONLY while we did this thing, because we didn't add the package when we came in to pay for our memebership. if we HAD, it would have been only ten extra bucks a month, but because of our schedules we thought we'd never be able to workout together anyway, and since they close at 8, I thought I wouldn't be able to get supper done and all that and get there and work out and get the kids picked up all by 8. so we said no to the childcare package.) okay, so finally I say to the guy, "okay, well, it's pretty unrealistic to even think about these packages for us, so we might as well not even discuss it." and he says, "because of....?????" and I say "cost." so he flips the page over to discuss a bunch of other more reasonable packages.

So he's saying stuff that I don't really pay attention to because I'm thinking about having to get the kids, which he KNOWS, and we start thinking about maybe doing one of the short term packages for like 90 bucks where both of us could meet with a trainer once a week for 3 months. We thought it was a good idea since we felt really overwhelmed there and wondered how people even know what to do for their bodies. so then they CALL OUR NAMES on the loudspeaker to come and get our kids. So I run off and leave steve to tie up the loose ends. The only thing I asked is if we could get the childcare package for those three months even though we had declined it like two days before (when we didn't know we were going to get suckered into their scheme), and they said yes, but only at full price, which is 20 bucks a month.

SO...I run out to get the kids and apologize and say something about being stuck with the trainer and the girl won't even acknowledge me. She has my three kids all bundled up in their coats, etc waiting at the front desk with her. So we go sit to wait for steve and Lillian is freaking out. "Mommy! why were you late? Why didn't you come on time? That girl said she hates parents who don't come and get thier kids! You didn't come on time! she was mad at you!" Seriously????? I understand her frustration. I do. I was frustrated too. But to say that in front of my KIDS? that really pissed me off.

So I'm sitting there boiling mad that they won't give us cheap childcare rate for the time span of 3 months when were going to meet with the trainer, when we had NO IDEA that this whole training package would be presented because they made us decide all that before we had even been there to work out or anything. It was all just really weird. And I didn't like the feeling of it. I realize we're only talking about a savings of 30 bucks, but it wasn't as much about the money as it was about the feeling of not understanding everything when we made the decision.

Okay, so Steve finally comes back and we leave and I tell him the story about the childcare girl and he's mad too and we both decide to just try to let this be a positive thing. We were spending money on ourselves to make ourselves better. To be healthier, to feel better. So we'd just forget about the things that bugged us. Except there was one more thing. The guy didn't even set up our first training session, so he said he was going to call steve about it or something (which he never did). But we were going to just be positive.

So later in the week I stopped by the trainers desk to ask aobut our first training session and got it set up for the following night. So we showed up and met with our trainer and had to go over all the info that we recorded during the consultation and give her a little info about ourselves and our measurements, etc.

She was pretty nice. We finally felt like we had ONE person on our team who would know us and care about our progress more than just getting more money out of us. grrr.... So we meet with her for almost an hour, and she made a little plan with us and showed us some of the machines she wanted us to use for cardio this week. We get done, go back downstairs, and sit at the table to schedule our next session.

Ok, so at this point, the things we are totally annoyed about but trying not dwell on are:

1. They sprung the whole training session package on us without giving us time to take the info and think about it. we maybe could have asked, but we were in such a hurry, so we decided to just to try for a short time to get a running start.

2. They wouldn't give us the childcare rate they had offered us TWO days before, when we had no idea what our membership experience would actually look like.

3. the childcare girl saying that stuff in front of my kids.

4. didn't mention it, but it felt like all the employees there were NOT there to help us. We had to work really hard to get anyone to answer our questions, which really sucks when you're in a HUGE place and really overwhelmed.

5. We found out while meeting with our trainer that we didn't actually sign up for a 3 month thing, but for a 12 month thing. So it was the 90 bucks for three months, but that was just the first part of it. It's a year commitment, which is why we were charged WAY more than that (which I was going to inquire about). But since Steve paid for it and signed for it while I was with the kids that night, then we figured we were stuck.

ok, so five things really bugging us. (and that's not even counting all the girls who like, GET READY (as in hair and makeup) to work out, and prance around in their cute little tight workout clothes. puh-leeze.)

And then...the straw that broke THIS camel's back?

Chelsea, our trainer, schedules our next appointment and hands us her business card...with her HALF NAKED self on the front, and her HALF NAKED backside on the backside. oh, and by half naked, I mean, 99% naked. Apparently she does body building contests, etc, and so she has these awful pictures of her in a...bikini???? can you even call it that????? And she GAVE them to us. to my husband! I didn't even know what to do. I got all flustered, and just kept staring at the card. because I couldn't look at HER while feeling so out of control of the situation. Oh gosh, I don't even know what to say.

I realize that whoever is reading this doesnt' have all the emotion attached, so you probably dont' think any of it is a really big deal. But we're cheap and don't often spend money on ourselves regularly like that, so we just had really high expectations I guess, which were NOT met. I love love love going and working out, which is really wierd to hear coming out of my mouth. I think I just like to get out of the house every once in a while. It can be hard feeling "stuck" here all day with so many kids, so just being out and on my own is probably most of it. So I DO love that. But it's going to take a while for me to get over some of this stuff I bet.

but oh well....it's done now. hopefully. I'm trying to have a positive attitude. I know I probably SHOULD go talk to a manager about all of this, but ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it. It's just ONE MORE uncomfortable situation to add to that place, and I feel like there's enough for now. :) I want to feel comfortable there. :)

ok, so....that's the end of the story. for now. and the moral???? don't join a gym. :)

JUST kidding.

But don't join mine. :)

Christmas letter 2010

2010-12-27T12:39:00.010-06:00

okay, so if you're on "our list" (which basically means you're related to us or you sent US a Christmas card) you'll be getting a "hard copy" of the letter, with a different picture. :) but if our relationship is strictly 'blog-reader/writer" then this is your chance to get caught up on our year!

**********************************************************

It’s the week of (well, now I guess AFTER) Christmas. I’ve LOVED getting the mail every day. Anyone who saw me rip open the cards would have no idea that I most likely already know everything that the letter says, thanks to facebook. :) But I think it’s important for me to recap the year, even if most of you already know our story of 2010. It’s been a year with lots of uncertainty, lots of trusting God, and lots of not being disappointed. :)

We took our very first “real” family vacation (went somewhere far away and didn’t stay with family) this year in March. Our friends Pete, Sarah, and Emily Connell are living in southern CA and wanted to make a trip out there before Brielle needed a plane ticket. :) It was a short and sweet trip, packed full with parks, pizza, the beach, IKEA (a first for me!), Disneyland, and catching up while the kids slept. The kids are wondering when we’re going to see Emily again, and unfortunately, I think future playdates with Emily will have to be in Orange City. It was a really fun trip that we all wish was an annual event.

After recouping from our vacation, we had Steve's sister’s wedding in April. Steve, Lillian, Josiah, and I were all in the wedding, and it was certainly a cause for celebration. We love our new brother and uncle, and it was a great time celebrating with family.

It was even more special than we realized at the time, actually, because it was our last chance to spend time with Steve’s grandpa (who the kids call Papa HoHo) as he went to be with the Lord soon after the wedding. God’s timing truly is right. We’re so thankful for the chance to see him at the wedding, and even for the little details like the kids getting to know some of that side of the family before they were thrown into the emotion of the funeral, etc. It’s our family’s first major loss since my mom, so it was interesting to hear the kids talk about death, and the questions they had, and even the peace they had about it, knowing that their loved ones are in heaven, waiting for us to join. It hit them harder than I expected, though, and they often mention Papa HoHo and how much they miss him, as we all do.

We had no idea what was in store for us financially this spring because the sweet little boy I was watching was moving away. :( But sure enough, God provided two families who needed daycare, and once again our needs were met. This past summer I had my three plus three extras every day, and as soon as school started, I had a baby join us, but the big girls went to kindergarten. So most of the day I have 5 kids, til the big girls come home, and then the baby leaves. If you ever call between the hours of 8 and 6 and I don’t answer…now you know why.

The fall was a crazy time in the Hydeen household. We found out during the summer that Steve’s contract for work was going to be canceled at the end of August. He worked so hard and so long at that property, and was often very stressed out. So while we were of course concerned at the loss of the contract, we knew there was something better in store, we just had to wait on God to show us what it was. We seem to have lots of practice waiting for God’s plan, so we had a lot of peace about it, and sure enough, it paid off once again. Steve got the word last week that on January 16^th he’ll be the manager of valet operations at the downtown HILTON. We’re excited for him to be out of the stress of the hospital environment, and moving into something he always loved (remember his bellhop days?). Please pray for our family though as the transition will be hard for all of us. I’m expecting lots of long days and weeks without seeing much of my BFF while he gets things rolling at the hotel. We praise God once again for providing for our every need.

Lillian’s big news for the year was starting kindergarten! We were so sure that she was ready. She’s such a smart girl, with great social skills, and was almost six. She had preschool every day last year, and we were just SURE it’d be an easy transition. And we were WRONG. Thank GOODNESS my big sister was here to help me through that first week, because I’m pretty sure I needed just as much TLC as she did that week. Eventually things got better, like we knew they would, but OH MY….my heart was not prepared for that. She’s doing great now, reading up a storm, and her teacher says she’s a delight in the classroom. We’re so proud of her.

Josiah turned four this year, and is becoming such a big boy. He’s still the lover-extraordinaire that he always has been, but it’s fun to see him grow into a “person.” He LOVES trucks. Loves them. He amazes us all at his ability to distinguish between an F150 and a one ton dually, but he seems to have it down. :) He’s starting to learn to read as well, since his big sister is constantly sounding out words all day every day. It’s crazy because he’s always been so laid back, and a bit slower in his development because of that. And now suddenly he cares about reading, when he JUST learned all the letters! It’s so fun to see the kids’ different personalities, and to really just love them for who they are. He’s following in Daddy’s footsteps too, and becoming quite the comedian (he thinks so anyway). :)

Brielle is just a hoot. We of course think (almost) everything she does is so cute, since she’s more than likely our last baby. She recently started talking (like, real words and conversations, etc) like crazy, and while we often have no idea what she’s saying, it’s fun to have her be a vocal member of our family. She has a different personality than both of the other kids, and most days we’re still trying to figure her out. The only thing we know for sure is that she is by FAR the biggest stinker we’ve ever had. She loves babies, and right now is obsessed with “baby Griffin” and “baby Jesus.” She can really hold her own with her big brother and sister, and can often be seen doing EVERYTHING the big kids do, and even things they would NEVER do. She recently moved out of her baby crib and now shares a bunk bed with her big sister, and thinks that’s pretty cool. We’re still working on the potty training thing. She has LOTS of interest, and would sit on the pot all day long if her mama had a bit more patience. :) She actually peed ONCE now, so that’s progress. I know when it clicks, it’ll be a piece of cake, so we’ll just wait til the click. :)

We’re so thankful to God for our jobs and our kids, but also for our hobbies, which are becoming more and more a part of who we are. It’s so wonderful to have a way to express ourselves in a way that’s so different from our everyday roles. Steve is still performing regularly with 88improv, and has had the opportunity to do some creative stuff for work too, which has been fun. The pinkadink has kept me ridiculously busy this fall. I only did a few craft shows which turned out to be very successful, and didn’t take up every single Saturday like I did last fall. I love love love the sewing and creating part of it, but I will admit that I’m glad to be DONE for the Christmas season and take things at my own pace again. And maybe even just sit on my butt and watch tv for a night. :)

Every year at this time I just get so emotional thinking about God’s love for me. I am so blessed. I got a new brother in law and 2 sweet nephews this year, took a road trip with my sisters and our kids crammed into my van all the way to Ohio to visit Ang and her family, celebrated 7 years of wedded bliss :) and probably lots of other great things that aren’t coming to mind right now. And as wonderful as all those things are, they pale in comparison to the blessing of knowing that God sent his son for ME. Because he loves ME. May this Christmas (and now new year I guess…) be filled with reminders of God’s love for you, that came most beautifully in the form of a baby.

Merry Christmas.

dyslexia in my ears or something...

2010-12-10T11:45:00.003-06:00

wow...so I've clearly been busy and neglecting the blog, but I just have to share this story:

On Wed night we were on our way to Kids Club at church, and I hear Lillian ask from way in the back seat of the van, "Mom? How can you tell if God is a boy or a girl?"

and I think oh gosh...another doozie of a question from Miss Lillian. and this setting, me driving on 680, her in the back seat, is not exactly the type of setting I imagine us having conversations about God in. But anyway, she asked.

"well, honey, that's kind of a hard question. We don't really know if God is a boy or a girl because he's not a human. We often think of him as a man because he calls himself our Father, but blah blah blah blah blah..."

"I thought you said something one time about how you can tell by how they go to the bathroom."

"um...well...that only works for humans. God isn't a human so he doesn't have private parts like humans do, and blah blah blah some more."

"ah....MOM? I'm talking about DOGS."

"WHAT? OH! yeah, boy dogs lift their legs to pee and girl dogs put thier bottoms by the ground."

and done. easy question. :)

a love of reading

2010-11-03T09:04:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, which was NOVEMBER 2nd, by the way, we went to the PARK! I never thought we'd be at the park, with no coats, in November. marvelous.

Well, Laya had climbed up the steps to the slide, and then didn't want to go down, so Kaylee climbed up to get her but nailed her head on the tower thing at the top of the slide. So I hiked up the playground equipment to give Kaylee a little lovin...

and HOLY MOLY.

I could not believe all the terrible things I found written on the walls of the "princess tower," of all places. Those little punks better hope I don't catch them in the act of their "artistry." Bad words, phone numbers, anatomy drawings, the works. I just sat there for a bit til the girls asked me what I was doing.

I said I was reading all the disgusting things that big kids wrote in the slide.

Of course now that they know there are bad things up there, they want to know. "what does it say Mommy?" "What did the big kids write, Miss Andrea?" So I said, "well, I'm not going to say, because it's really not appropriate to say those words."

So Lillian climbs up the slide, and reads for herself: "sssssss........uuuuuuuuuu.......ck."

{GASP} "Mommy! I found a terrible word! The worst one! SUCK!" (oh, my sweet innocent child...) :)

"yep, but it's not appropriate, so let's not say that out loud. That's probably not a good place to practice your reading." (and please don't read what comes after that and ask me what it means.)

"But Mommy! I can't help it! My brain just READS!"

GSD: 2010

2010-10-27T13:58:00.014-05:00

Today I went looking back at old blog posts to get a better idea of what my feelings were last year during Grandma Sharon Days. And low and behold...there was no post. I had a facebook album, but you know, that's not really the place to spill my guts.

but this is.

So this year I'm going to write it while it's fresh.

I love Grandma Sharon Days. It's the very best idea my sister ever had. :) It's such a great way for us to really celebrate who she was, and give our kids the feeling that they know her (although Lillian will be quick to tell you that she's really the only grandkid who knows her). :(

GSD is a time when we get to do fun stuff, eat out a lot, get special snacks, and visit Stone Park. This year, I didn't do quite as much as usual, since life is just a bit busier and if I don't majorly plan in advance, things just don't go as planned. But we made it work.

On Saturday we ate at Chipotle with Mel before heading to Stone Park. Somehow I always manage to sneak Chipotle into GSD, even though I'm not quite sure she ever even HAD Chipotle or if she liked it. But I count it as special time with my sister, which I know my mom definitely loved. :)

Our drive to Sioux City was so beautiful. The forecast was actually for rain and thunderstorms, so we were totally bummed, but decided to try it anyway. I have a million memories of getting rained on during the annual Stone Park trip, so it's nothing we hadn't dealt with before. But the day was actually so beautiful. We couldn't believe it. That is...until we turned onto Stone Park Blvd...literally. We saw the first drops at that point, and from then on, it sure was scattered thunderstorms. It was like a few minutes of perfect fall weather, followed by about ten minutes of showers and thunder, and then back to perfect fall weather, etc. We still managed to squeeze in a few traditions though...

*I basically only have pictures of Saturday. HUGE bummer. but nothing I can really do about it anymore. :(

a hike up the hill (thank goodness for Uncle JoJo!)

the family pictures at the top (although, since they totally let everything grow this year, we couldn't do the timed photo like we usually do, so there's no whole group photo this year).

the pink balloons to send up to Grandma Sharon

eatin' a dog...

Eventually it got to the point where I was freaked out being in the forest and seeing lightening, so we packed up in a hurry and headed over to Cold Stone. It was definitely not time to say goodbye yet, and we didn't even have time to make s'mores! So thankfully Sioux City has a Cold Stone, so we could continue the celebration. My mom LOVED cold stone, particularly on her trips to Mayo for chemo, etc. It was something I BARELY got to do with her, since I was teaching that year, so I feel like it's really important to make up for lost time now. :)

all the "area" grandkids with their new breast cancer puppies from papa and judy

When we got home, I put the kids to bed. Melinda didn't feel well, so she crashed on the couch. I busted my butt cleaning til Steve got home and midnight and all that has nothing to do with GSD, really.

Sunday was interesting. I was supposed to be working in the nursery that day for some friends who weren't able to do their shift bc of other church obligations. I'll admit that I was a bit disappointed since I knew that while my heart was wide open this weekend, I'd see things and hear things at church in a different way. Well, as it turns out, there were no babies at church this week, so I was able to attend the service. I was so thrilled. And sure enough, we sang Blessed Be Your Name. There are quite a few songs that I can't get through without thinking of my mom and crying. But out of those, there are only a couple that we actually sing in my church. And that's one of them.

Back in 2006, when my mom was dying, our family was often gathered in the living room, living out her last moments with her. We'd talk, cry, hug, rub her feet, play games, and sing songs. Blessed Be Your Name was one of the songs we sang a few times. Lights dimmed, candles burning, every spot in the room taken, Insoo on guitar leading, and tears NONSTOP down my face. The part of the song where we sing "you give and take away" was so real to me at that moment, waiting for my mom to be taken from us, and waiting for my baby to be born, and not knowing which one would happen first. you give and take away..blessed be your name.
so you can see why I sorta lost it in church. well, not really lost it actually. just quiet crying. that was my first time crying this year actually.

After church was Papa Murphey's veggie pizza. Mom's favorite. and mine too!

After lunch I went shopping with Lillian and Mel, since Lillian insisted on having a birthday present for Josiah on Monday. It was sweet (nevermind the fact that she wanted to get him High School Musical 3 or a princess book with a necklace in it). She ended up settling for (read: forced to get him) a 4 pack of dvds about trucks, planes, cars, trains, and everything else he absolutely loves. :)

Soon after that was Bible study. and guess what! One of the families brought red licorice as their snack to share! Another Grandma Sharon favorite!!!

Monday was Josiah's bday, and I'll save that day for another blogpost. I usually try to make that day mostly about Josiah, even though it's smack dab in the middle of GSD.

Yesterday was the last day of GSD. The day my mom would turn 55 years old. Sometimes I still can't believe she died so young. We had all the daycare kids here, so we didn't do a whole lot of anything special during the day. By the time we got to evening, I was starting to get really frustrated with myself for not having planned ahead more. It was very suddenly the end of GSD, and Monday we didn't do anything bc it was Josiah's day, and then Tues we hadn't done anything either. There were things that I could have done if I'd planned ahead, like make stir fry (our family dinner probably at least once every couple weeks, if not more...), or caramel corn (but I didn't have wax paper to let it dry on), but I just didn't.

So I called Steve, feeling myself getting all emotional about what to make for dinner. Now most of you probably know that I take every opportunity available to go out to eat, because I love eating out, and especially love that I don't have to prepare and clean up dinner! I don't do a whole lot of spending otherwise, but that's one thing I can often find myself justifying. :) But this was different. It wasn't that I just didn't want the work. It was that I felt like I wasn't doing a good job of celebrating my mom this year, and it was quickly becoming a bigger and bigger issue in my head.

So Steve offers for us to go out to eat, and we decide on Arby's for a couple reasons. First of all, I remember many times of stopping in LeMars to eat at Arby's. And once, we were all on the Atkins diet, but Arby's was having a really good deal Beef 'N' Cheddars. So we went and got a huge tray full of the sandwiches, and then took off the bottoms of each one (to honor mr. atkins) and ate them all as open faced upside down sandwiches. And another time we remembered was sitting in the sioux city mall parking lot eating Arby's subs, and just NOT understanding how they could possibly be so good. That was another Arby's deal that we overabused at the time. :) AND...since my mom LOVED coffee, and I don't, I thought that jamocha shakes were the perfect way to give me and my kids a taste of "coffee" to be like Grandma Sharon. It might sound dumb to you, but that arby's sub and shake were just what I needed to celebrate my mom's birthday.

When we got home, it was well past their bedtime, but I just had to read the Grandma Sharon Story to each kid, and also Love You Forever. I couldn't find the Velveteen Rabbit (another favorite) but we didn't have tons of time anyway. So first I read the Grandma Sharon Story to Brielle. We talked all about Grandma Sharon, and pointed to the Lillian character and pretended it was Brielle. She had lots of questions (that's Brielle? that's Grandma Sharon? that's you? that's Brielle?) so it was hard to get too emotional about it all...

Then we went into the big kids' room to read Love You Forever.

I had been so strong all weekend. So many people were asking me how I was, and I honestly said I was fine. Of course it was hard, but I was doing alright. I had lots of things to celebrate instead of crying for four days straight, and I was fine.

But as I read the first few pages of Love You Forever, and imagined my mom reading that book to Lillian as a little baby, and thinking about how much she's missed since then, and thinking of myself as the mom with the baby, and knowing that someday I'll be the one who's gone, and..., and..., and... it was never-ending. It was like my mind went crazy and in just a few seconds, I thought of every sad thing I've ever felt about my mom ever. and I cracked.

I tried so hard to keep my composure. I certainly didn't want the very last memory of GSD:2010 for my kids to be thier mom bawling and not able to read to them. So after a few pages of shaky voice/wet face reading, I regained composure and finished the book.

It's not that I don't want my kids to see me sad or missing my mom or crying or anything. They've seen that PLENTY over the last four years. It was just that I knew that if I let myself really cry right there in that moment, it wasn't going to stop.

So instead, I finished the book, watched Parenthood, and went to bed. I was fine in my bed... thinking of all the things that needed to get done today (which are still undone, by the way). And then suddenly I was bawling. Like, weird noises, body shaking, hard to breathe crying. the kind where your heart actually hurts, and it's not a figure of speech. all in an instant. It was a release that I needed, and still came so unexpectedly.

And I just let myself cry. Thinking about how much I miss her. And wondering if the whole "crying for my mommy" thing is ever going to end. And realizing all the grandbabies she's missed out on, and wondering why in the world God would only give her a little tiny taste of being a grandma. And on that note, why would he take someone from this earth who so clearly loved Him and could do SUCH great things for His kingdom? And thinking of all the times when I wish I could call her and ask her dumb questions about sewing or cooking or whatever, let alone the major stuff I wish I could talk to her about. And thinking about Josiah almost BEGGING me to be with Grandma Sharon ("mommy, PLEASE can we see Grandma Sharon!"). thinking about the pinkadink, and how I know she'd love that I'm doing that. and wondering if I can still remember what her voice sounded like. and all the little things I think about all throughout the year. and how it's NOT FAIR. really. that's what I think about.

So I'm not sure what I was feeling last year, because I didn't write it down. But this year I think it's safe to say that I almost use GSD to hide behind. To focus on the fun stuff instead of the hurt. and I think it's okay to do that a little bit. But maybe this year was a little excessive in the hiding area. and as soon as I realized it, it broke me down. And while maybe it was good for my heart to let the hurt out a little, and maybe even feel a little sick from it... really, it just reinforced the fact that when I'm sick, I still just want my mom.

obedience

2010-10-22T21:30:00.003-05:00

I feel like I've been really hard on my kids lately. My expectations are so high. I like them high, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like maybe I'm not responding appropriately when they are not met.

So lately I've been trying to think about their perspective. Like, if I was smaller, and some big huge person was always yelling at me and telling me what I'm doing wrong all the time, I'd probably be quite stressed out and I can't honestly say that it would make me do everything right. And while I know that my kids don't have the same brains as adults, and it's my job to raise them well, so the analogy is not 100% accurate, it helps me. It makes me think about my tone, my body language, my demeanor.

And I'm trying to remember that they can't read my mind. So when I ask them to do something, they don't know the exact way I imagine it getting done. Like when I say, "Can you close the door please" I imagine her closing the door with her hand on the doorknob. So when she decides to close it with her chin, very slowly and backwards and not at all the way ANYONE but her would imagine closing it, it doesn't mean she's disobeying.

And when I say, "come over here buddy so we can take this picture," I imagine him getting up and walking over, not crawling/crab-walking over and staining his knees. he wasn't disobeying, he was being an obedient puppy/crab. So I had to ask him to STAND up and walk over.

(I was going to think of an example of Brielle too, but can't quite think of one that's actually NOT disobeying. Because she's two and she has a big brother and big sister and a bunch of daycare kids trying to take her stuff and boss her around and borrow her mommy, and I guess she thinks that disobeying and freaking out stuff is going to help her out somehow. So that's all I can really think of right now....)

so anyway, just because I wrote about it doesn't mean that I have it down. But it's a work in progress. Every day (okay, maybe more like every hour) I try to coach myself not to automatically react how my brain wants to. Controlling my mouth is something I can do in every other area of my life, so I figure I can probably do it with the kids too.

Lillian, Josiah, and Brielle, I apologize for times when I totally freak out. Please don't remember that about me. I'll keep on trying to see the many many ways you obey, instead of how you don't do it the way I imagined. You're all so creative and wonderful, and I'm trying to remember that. Love, Mommy

photo fun

2010-10-19T13:24:00.010-05:00

I've been having some fun photographing other people lately, and thought I'd share a few of my favorites.

first up, sweet Maddie. She's the cutie I watch 4 or 5 days a week, and for her 6 month bday, I wanted to take some pictures for her mommy. and she was super easy. :)

next up, Deven. He lives across the street from me and one day his mom was venting to me about the cost of senior pictures, and how you have to turn something into the office for a photo, and she didn't know what to do! well I did! We headed over to an alley in Benson, and voila, senior pictures.

and finally, our good friends and sort-of-neighbors, the Wiswells. They wanted some fall family pictures outside, but didn't want to go far or make a big fuss, so we headed around the block to the neighbors awesome leaves that had been falling and crunching under our feet on the way to the bus every day! here's a collage of my favorites.

great weather, great people, great times. :)

Aria update

2010-10-18T13:08:00.003-05:00

Remember when, for my 100th post, I encouraged my readers to donate a couple bucks to raise $100 for Aria?

well, since that day, many exciting things have happened in the life of little Aria.

In New Zealand, where they are from, a major news station did a story on this sweet family, and it's now available online. So, if you want to check it out, grab a tissue and click here.

and if you feel led, go ahead and click back up on that 100th post link and make a donation. but either way, please keep this little one and her homesick parents in your prayers.

what a GREAT story by a GREAT God...

holy moly...that was an event

2010-10-13T21:29:00.007-05:00

you have no idea by looking at THIS...

how traumatizing tonight was for this girl.

see the hair? that's clearly the result of a major event. Remember her kindergarten shots? (well, maybe you don't, because it just might be on my list of things for my REWIND series...) anyway, I had to pin her down and lay on her so the nurse could give her shots.

Well, tonight was pretty close to that. Not quite so bad, but bad enough that I had two choices: laugh at her or cry with her. I chose to laugh, but the poor girl was scared to death. She did NOT want us getting that tooth out. the one that's been loose for like 6 weeks or so. But when I saw that the SHARP part on the bottom was sticking out and cutting her gums open because she refused to let us touch it and just let it dangle out the front of her gums like that????? something had to be done.

so I told her I didn't want her to go to bed and swallow it and have it cut up her tummy like it cut up her gums. what...not like YOU'VE never used scare tactics before! ok, well, the only thing was that she didn't care. She just did NOT want to have her arms pinned down by Daddy. So after like 3o minutes of d.r.a.m.a.... I lied. I told her I wasn't going to pull it. and then I did.

and she was thrilled! so much so that she wanted to ask the tooth fairy if she could keep it. (for the sake of time I wrote out what she said and let her sign her name. because GOOD GRIEF, it should not have taken that long in the first place.)

So Lillian, my dear, good job for being brave even when you didn't want to. I'm proud of you, and so thankful that you didn't make us lay on you again.

and so begins the seemingly never-ending phase of really awkward teeth...

Rewind: B's birthday

2010-10-11T12:07:00.007-05:00

So, after our fun filled trip to Ohio, I thought maybe things would slow down a bit, but of course they don't.

The weekend of Brielle's birthday was a busy one! We had a wedding to attend on Saturday, and a birthday party on Sunday, so we decided to add one more thing to the weekend and do it all while camping!!

Steve and I actually didn't camp too much. Brielle was pretty sick on that Friday night, her actual birthday. :( So we decided to wait til Saturday to head up to Paulina, and by the time we got there, it was about time for us to be in OC to meet a couple who was considering the same program in Spain that I did. We basically just dropped the kids off, set up the tent SPEED style, and off we went.

Steve and I LOVED living in Spain, mostly. :) Of course while we were there I remember being ready to hop on the next plane home a few times, but now when we think back on it, we remember the very best of everything, with only a few funny "bad" stories. So anyway, it was SO fun to have an hour or so to just reminisce about when life was so easy and we had someone to do all our cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. oh, and not to mention living in quite possibly the most beautiful city ever. Spending almost every waking minute of every day together, just us. Really really good memories....

After all that reminiscing and almost feeling like we were young again :) we got ready and went to Joel and Laura's wedding! I was always pretty close with Mr. Stauffer, my homeroom teacher for three years. So it was very fun to watch him marry his best friend, who also happens to be my future step-cousin. :) is that a real thing??? :) But since their day was busy and you never really get to talk to the bride and groom much at the wedding, we filled most of our time up by talking to other teachers we had in high school and getting sore cheeks from all the laughing! Mr. Herman and Mr. Bundt taught history and math, probably my two least favorite subjects EVER, but for some reason, I enjoyed those two teachers so much. And they also happened to coach track, which I also hated. In fact, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about getting last place in every 100 meter dash I ever ran. AP History, Calculus, and track were all electives, so I think it's safe to say that the only reason I was involved with any of them was because I really liked those two guys. So it was fun to sit and chat at the reception with them (and Maria, Tyler, and Mel). I left the reception wondering if my kids will ever have that type of thing with their teachers (and also why I didn't take my camera to get a picture of me and my hubs all dressed up...). GRRR...

Poor Brielle had been sick that whole day, with fevers up to like 105 if she didn't get her Tylenol soon enough. It was so sad, but she was such a trooper. Most of the time you could never even tell that she was sick! She slept in the tent that night with me and Steve, while the big kids slept in Beso and Grandma's "new" camper! You'd think that after all the hype about the new camper, they'd moan and groan about the thought of ever sleeping in our tent again, but we actually found ourselves promising that when we went camping the next time, they could sleep in our tent. weird....

In the morning, we spent some time on the beach and then had a little party, and celebrated the fact that my baby girl is now two. And once again I'm struck by the fact that the days drag on, but the years fly by.

It's a good thing we got a good shot of her adorable cake, because soon enough we had a hand slide right through the frosting!

But here's Miss B looking perfectly happy even with her crazy high fever...

And just like that the hustle and bustle was over. I'll admit that I was a bit tired and hot and mad that the battery for my "good camera" was dead, but Brielle got lots of fun stuff for her birthday, and really seemed like she was having fun. She definitely zonked out while we cleaned up, though. Poor thing spent the whole weekend burning up, inside and out. (This was one of the CRAZY hot weekends of the summer!)

see that paci? our plan was to take it away the weekend she turned two. well, then she got sick, so we just couldn't do that to her then.... and then.... and then... and then... and then... and after I finally didn't have any more excuses, I just clipped that nipple right off there, and her paci was "broken." but that's a story for another post. But to answer your question, NO! she does NOT still sleep with her paci! woo hoo!

We stopped at the urgent care clinic when we pulled into Omaha and found out that sure enough, she had an infection about everywhere you possibly can get one, and got her on some antibiotics right away. That helped our poor "baby" feel so much better, and left me kicking myself for not just doing it sooner. ah, well, live and learn I guess. and then blog about it so you don't forget. :)

Rewind: OHIO

2010-09-23T11:51:00.024-05:00

This will be the first in a series of REWIND posts, to catch up on almost everything that has happened in our house since I started daycare. I feel like I don't have much time anymore to do anything, and the blog is always the first to go. BUT...now I feel like I'm forgetting stuff already! So i just want to have these things documented, even if it's not fresh in my memory.

so, without further ado...REWIND: OHIO

It's hard to live far away from family. I only SORT OF know that. I live 'close enough' to lots of family, but often still find myself wishing there was SOMEONE right here. Because as awesome as friends are, they just aren't family.

Well, Angela, my oldest sister, has lived the farthest away since college. She lived in Chicago for a while, but that was actually awesome. We could get 34 dollar one way tickets and take a weekend to be there, hanging out in Chicago, and it was just really fun. Well, nothing against the Buckeye state, but Ohio just isn't quite the same. Actually, there's still lots of fun stuff to do, but mostly it's just WAY TOO FREAKING FAR AWAY.

Unfortunately for them, they spend about a gazillion dollars a year traveling to visit our family in Iowa, and Insoo's family in Florida. They are always traveling to be with us, and rarely get to have family there with them. I got to go out there (with no kids!) while we waited for Isaiah to arrive (and missed it by one day, which also happened with Griffin, by the way...grrr...), but other than that, I hadn't been there at all. And my kids had never been to their cousins' house, which was a major deal to all four of them old enough to care.

So planning began for the great minivanapalooza of 2010. Basically, that just means that my two other sisters and I crammed my minivan FULL of luggage, kids, tires, toys, snacks, and PILLOWS to drive through the night to have a few days in Ohio. Every single seat was taken by a person, plus one in Maria's belly, and a whole lot of stuff. I mean a LOT. I wish I had taken a picture, but we had DRIVING on the brain.

We left in the evening so that the kids could maybe watch one movie before it got late and dark and then they could fall asleep and sleep blissfully through the night til we magically arrive at their cousins' house! Okay, we knew it PROBABLY wouldn't go that wonderfully, but how bad could it be? BAD. that's the answer.

Poor Hazel cried the entire way there, except for about two hours (maybe) between midnight and about 2:00. There was absolutely NOTHING we could do to calm her down, and oddly enough, instead of driving us totally crazy, we all just really wanted to cry with her we felt so bad. It was that thing, you know, where they're trying to sleep, but crying out in thier sleep, and something is so clearly bothering them, but they can't tell you, so they just cry and cry and cry and cry, and even mommy sitting there with her big belly in the way trying to calm her down, and even Auntie A blowing in her face and stroking her cheek and singing songs, and even Auntie Mel doing whatever she tried to do didn't work, so she just cried and cried and cried. It was awful. My kids were troopers and slept though most of it, or if they woke up, just kind of looked around and figured out that "oh, THAT'S the noise that I keep hearing in my dreams" and went back to sleep.

We finally made it to McDonalds, just an hour or so out of Columbus, and got some breakfast. I was able to sleep for an hour or so before that, but we were all pretty exhausted. We finally made it to 7727 and were ready for a whirlwind of a time together. :)

We spent our time doing a variety of things. I'll do my best to document some of it in pictures. I tried so hard to remember to take pictures, since so often we find ourselves so busy that the time goes by without a single photo to document it.

We had lots of fun eating together, in a variety of settings: outside on the lawn, inside on the carpet, wherever you could find a spot at the tables, at Chic-Fil-A, and even a couple picnics at the park! And mmm....looking at that awesome summer food makes me wish summer had lasted a little longer...

It was so fun to watch the kids play together. It's been a process, ya know? There always seems to be a "phase" that the kids are going through, whether it's hitting, biting, not sharing, screaming, you name it. But this time, I think it's safe to say that there wasn't a whole lot of fighting! Not that there wasn't a challenge sharing two boys' toys among six kids, but I don't really remember anything major! (but maybe that's just how brains work...we remember the good stuff) :)

We got to see lots of family while we were there too! Angela lives about two hours from my mom's two brothers, so we got to see each of them and their families! It was great! (oh rats, I don't have any pictures from when Verlyn, Barb, Ashley, Cassi, and Nate were there...ugh...)

We also got to celebrate two special days! Even though Elliot's bday wasn't til August, he had an awesome early bday party so we could be there to celebrate! It was a CARS theme at the bouncy house, and man did the kids (and grown ups) have fun! :)

We also got to celebrate the 4th of July. Nothin better than popsicles and sparklers! (We actually left on the 4th, so we did sparklers on the 3rd)

And, one of the very best moments of our whole time together was our sisters' night out. I don't actually have any pictures of that, but we just went to hang out and talk and eat avocado rolls and cheesecake and coffee/cocoa. We sat and talked and laughed and remembered and just enjoyed each other's company, without the interruptions of our wonderful children. It was truly a memorable night. In fact, when we got home, we went up to Ang's bed and continued the talking, laughing, and maybe even crying. These girls are my best friends. forever.

So the fact that we drove many hours with a crying baby (Hazel did better with the crying on the way home, but definitely traded it for puking- nothin a couple moms can't handle though-) and stayed in a hot little two bedroom townhouse and put four kids ages 5 and under to sleep in the same room and argued over who got to ride the trike, and what kind of pizza to order, and who got to kick the ball, it was all worth it. just like we knew it would be.

Sadly, the great minivanapalooza of 2010 cannot be an annual event, since we already don't all fit in my minivan! We knew it would be a one shot thing, so we did it, with no regrets....except maybe we'd stay just ONE day longer.... :)

exhausted...

2010-08-25T09:09:00.004-05:00

I'm finding myself SO tired lately. And let me assure you, it's NOT for a lack of rest. Every night at about 7:30 or for SURE 8:30, I find myself resting on the couch, almost unable to move. And then at about 10:30 or 11, I find myself still there.

It's that terrible cycle where I know that if I'd just get my butt up and exercise, then I'd have way more energy every day. But it's that whole UP word that's throwing a kink in things. :)

But the other day I was reminded by this incredible article, why exactly it is that I'm exhausted. It's not necessarily even a physical exhaustion. It's just everything.

Have you read this? If you're a mom I'm sure you'll love it. If you're a dad, I'm sure you'll appreciate it. If you're a single parent I'm sure you're just plain awesome. I'm not sure I could do all this alone. And thankfully, I don't. But I DO do it all day, which is...well...exhausting. :)

So here's to all parents out there, and the 7 little ones in my care that I love so dearly, even when I'm exhausted.

(if you click on it, you can see it bigger)

bus party

2010-08-20T16:41:00.006-05:00

You know that feeling when your heart breaks in a million little pieces?
That feeling has come over me about a million times this week.
And that's just too many millions.

We've come a long way this week. Lillian went from: being brought to and picked up from school, bawling and begging not to go, clinging and crying when I had to leave, begging to sleep in my room just for a little more time with me, and even hiding from me in the morning once, to: riding the bus home yesterday, crying just a little, a "good" day yesterday, riding the bus to AND from school today, and an "awesome!" day today to top it all off! Today still had its struggles for sure. She was scared to death to get on the bus, and cried a little bc she lost her kissing stone. But the girl who came off the bus this afternoon is the girl I knew would show up eventually.

It was so strange...watching this little person who you think you know as well as yourself act TOTALLY different than you ever expected in a situation. I'm so glad to see she's getting through it.

On Monday I thought we'd never get there. (I mean, I KNEW we would, but it just FELT like we wouldn't.) And today she doesn't even have time to talk or snuggle with me. She's too busy playing.

it's good.

To get Lillian excited about riding the bus to and from school today, I made a 'bus cake' to celebrate the day. My friend Jeannie made one for her kids for a back to school treat, and I thought it'd be perfect for a riding the bus treat too. :)

The kids think I'm the cake boss. :) but I think I'll leave the cake baking to Sara Crane. :)

here it is....the "masterpiece" ;)

so proud of herself for riding the bus (or maybe just excited to eat the cake)
(see how the wonderfully constructed school bus stayed in tact? never mind the fact that it went completely lopsided and now looks like a cartoon or something. the kids didn't care!)

and a (sort of) group shot.
happy happy day. :)

we survived...barely.

2010-08-16T21:43:00.012-05:00

ohhhhhhhhh man....

who would have thought that today would be so emotional. remember how I JUST wrote that I was ready for this day? apparently my head was, but my heart was not. :(

I don't even know what to say about it.

I knew she was really nervous. She was telling me that she didn't want to leave this early and get home at four, that it was too long. And that she didn't want to ride the bus (she knew that was coming, even though she didn't ride it today), and that she didn't know if she was going to make friends, and that she wanted to eat lunch with me. And seriously, how am I supposed to be strong after that? It was all stuff we had talked about before, but my heart was slowly breaking, all the way to school.

When we finally got there, I climbed in the back seat of the van and prayed with her, only I LOST IT in the middle of the prayer. And when she realized I was just not saying "amen" she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and saw me bawling. And oddly enough, that seemed to make her stronger. So I got a grip, and we went into the school with tearstained cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

Long story short, the little girl I do daycare for who also goes to the school didn't have her transportation info lined up yet, so the school wouldn't put her on the bus with Lillian. So I ended up picking them up after school too. Lillian was so relieved that she didn't have to ride the bus alone, and to be honest, I was too. But anyway, it took a long time for us to get that all figured out, so I was waiting in the hall a while too, and just couldn't stop the tears.

Thank goodness that my sister and brother were visiting, so it gave me a chance to leave my kids and the daycare baby here while I took Lillian to her first day, and again while I picked her up. I don't know why I'm always surprised when God works out really awesome situations like that.

This afternoon, I expected a smiling, excited, and bubbly 5 year old to come bounding out of the school, and I guess she was like that. But it wasn't because she loved school, it was because she finally got to be back with me. She barely said anything except "bad day" and "the WHOLE second recess I just sat on the bench the WHOLE time because I was SO sad and I missed you so much, and when I thought about it, it almost made me cry." That's how she summed up the whole day. BREAK MY HEART.

So tonight she lays in her bed, scared to death to leave the in the morning and get on the bus. She asked to sleep on our bedroom floor so she could be close to me, and I almost want to let her. But of course I know that the longer it takes us to get into a rhythm of how life will really be, the worse it will all get. So we'll just have to get through it.

and hope that tomorrow I can keep my composure. But it's not looking likely since i can't even write this blog post without crying...

so, how 'bout some pictures of her first day. and then I'll head to bed, because we all know that 'sleepy makes weepy.'

*my big girl on her big day

*saying goodbye to their big sis (Brielle JUST got out of bed).

*a hug from the J-man

*a hug from Brielle

*a hug from a mama trying desperately to be strong
*trying to figure out how my little baby got so big!
*by her locker (can you tell she's getting nervous???)

*she found Kaylee, which helped the nerves a little

*right before mommy left and cried some more

okay, so at least I have cute pictures to remember the day by. Here's hoping that we survive tomorrow. (the whole bus thing might get the best of me...)

a list of thoughts

2010-08-13T16:01:00.003-05:00

1. I have a major headache, and it's positively not from a lack of caffeine.

2. I'm hoping that the supper fairy shows up at my door tonight with meal in hand. If she doesn't, we just might be having Cap'n Crunch for supper.

3. I used to think it was really hard to have three kids. Then I started doing daycare for Nolan and realized four was hard, and three was easy. Then I lost Nolan :( but added three more, and then I thought that four was easy, and six was hard. And this week I added another baby. So now I think that six is easy. And when it's just my three??? piece of cake. (til after 8:00 when i turn into an ogre.)

4. Brielle smiles when I discipline her.

5. Steve got a fix it ticket for our tail light on the car. We thought we could fix it with a new lightbulb. It didn't work. We had to bring it in, and $655 later...

6. The only good thing about a six hundred fifty-five dollar bill is that I pay for everything with my GAP card, and then I get free dollars in the mail to spend at Gap or Old Navy. So at least I might a free shirt out of the deal.

7. I lost my license. I had to renew it, and then they give you a paper one good for 30 days, and mail you your real new one. And I got it in the mail. That's all I know. And it's a MAJOR inconvenience.

8. At the end of the day, the very last thing I feel like doing is making supper. It's something I've always hated. Some women think I'm lying when I say that I don't get ANY enjoyment out of making a meal for my family. But I'm not lying. I don't like any single part of it. And it's only gotten harder since I started doing daycare. (See #2)

9. The fact that Steve won't have a job in a couple weeks is a really strange feeling. It's almost like we can't even deal with it right now because he just has to wrap this thing up 'nicely'...the only problem is that all his employees are quitting, so he has to do their work at work, and his work at home. And there's no time to do anything except survive.

10. Lillian starts kindergarten on Monday.

11. I wish I was the mom you read about on facebook that begs for more summertime with their kids. But I'm not. I'm ready for school. I'm not gonna lie.

12. What is with this HEAT!!!!

13. I'm planning our ten year class reunion. My kids are NOT allowed to even THINK about being senior class president. I won't allow it.

14. Josiah's latest quirk: refusing to wear shorts that don't have a snap/button. Add that to refusing to wear anything but his "handsome flip flops" or his "handsome bike shoes," crying when he thinks he doesn't look good, and asking at random times if his hair looks good. I think he's got a future in fashion of some sort.

15. I'm about to go downstairs to tell the kids it's time to clean up. If you listen closely, you just might hear the whining and complaining and begging for help.

16. There are about 80 million things I should have done instead of write this post. But when your brain is so crowded, you do what you gotta do.

quick a minute

2010-08-11T09:43:00.005-05:00

so, today I put Brielle's hair in a ponytail. Like, a real one. a ponytail. and it reminded me that the first time I did it (last week or so) I took some pictures. So while the daycare baby sleeps and before the big kids get here, I thought I'd post some pictures of my big girl.

and in this next one I love how you can tell she thinks she's pretty hot stuff with a ponytail...

she still needs a flower or something (which can be found in abundance here) :) to keep her hair off her face, but I just think it makes her look SO OLD!

camping x2

2010-08-09T17:21:00.006-05:00

Man, life is busy. I barely have time to blog these days, unless it's a quick picture or two. But we've gone camping these last two weekends, and I want to make sure to document that. OH, and we went a couple weeks before that, and celebrated B's bday, which I still don't have posted on here.

okay, so quickly, before I run out of time, here are some of my favorite pictures from the last two weekends. I only had my camera for one, so I have to steal maria's facebook pictures for the Round Lake ones. Thanks maria! :)

ROUND LAKE, MN with my aunt, uncle, and cousin (and maria, tyler, and hazel too)

STANTON, IA with Maria, Tyler, Hazel, and Mel

alright, now I have to find some time to first find and then post pictures of Brielle's party. I'll have to save that for another day...

miss laya

2010-08-05T17:23:00.003-05:00

See this face? I get to see it almost every day. But today she is screaming. all day. So I found these pictures to remind myself how cute she is in "real life," as opposed to whatever today is. And I thought I'd share. :)

before I forget

2010-07-27T10:10:00.004-05:00

so, I've had these videos for a couple weeks now, but haven't had a chance to put them up (or haven't TAKEN the chance anyway). Turns out that now the monkey bars are no big deal, and Brielle doesn't even say 'you're welcome' instead of thank you like that anymore. but before I forget about those days, I thought I'd post the videos. Don't expect to be too entertained, but for the sake of this digital scrapbook of sorts, I had to include them.

and oh my...

going into the "videos" folder where these are stored, I found a few gems that must be posted as a little trip down memory lane. look for that later. :) were my kids really that small and cute??? I can hardly believe it.

that day and this day

2010-07-16T08:47:00.003-05:00

that day...

this day...

and the funny thing, is that the "this day" picture was actually not this day, but yesterday. and it's a good thing I took those pictures yesterday, because the "that day" picture looks more like the reality of this day. Miss B was up all night crying, screaming, not herself at all. I knew she was coming down with something, and sure enough, today she's BURNING up. so hopefully she'll kick this so we can have a fun birthday weekend.

pretty as a princess

2010-07-15T17:17:00.006-05:00

My kids love dress up. They have a grandma that buys them costumes when they go on major sale, or at garage sales, or whatever. So we have a little dress up area in the play room, and every day it gets destroyed bc they all want to wear costumes.

But the favorites are always the princess dresses. Because doesn't everyone love to feel like a princess?

the princess shoes (who cares if they don't match the dress, or even each other!)...

the princess dress...

complete with all the princessy deatils...

and the pretty hair.

See? everyone likes to feel like a princess!

I heard giggling in my room the other day, and found these two up to no good. :)

They loved it, and thought they were HILARIOUS. I thought it was pretty funny too, but mostly just can't get past the fact that Josiah is such a cute little girl. :)

author Lillian

2010-07-14T14:25:00.004-05:00

I hated Young Authors time at school. I never felt like I had good ideas, or knew how to write well. I always dreamed about being a really good writer and winning the contest and riding in the limo. It never happened. But now I have kids, and I can hope and dream for them that they'll win. aaaah, just kidding. But I do hope that they at least think their ideas aren't dumb. :)

Today the big girls were writing (and illustrating) stories during quiet time. It's maybe not the most creative story in the world, since it's just another typical princess story. But the fact that my 5 year old can tell a story with a beginning, middle, and end, that has a few of her own little ideas in it, makes me pretty proud. :) so without further ado, here's Lillian's story, word for word:

Once upon a time there was a princess. She was trapped in a castle, with no way to get out. She had a dragon guarding her. Locked up in a castle, there was no toys like she usually had. Lots of princes tried to rescue her, but they couldn’t because all of her guards chased them. So they never came back. But finally, she remembered that she had a key in her pocket that she snuck out of its place. So she unlocked herself. She was free. And she went to school and then she went to a ball. And then she found a prince, and they got married. And they went on a carriage ride and they got home to their castle. And they played lots of games and they lived happily ever after.

It's full of wonderful ideas that are life long lessons.
1. You don't need a boy to rescue you.
2. School comes before social activities like dances.
3. You are half Smits. Playing games the way to live happily ever after. :)

happy writing, young author. :)